Not just my imagination

Considering how much lament the  challenges with  being a woman in Science, it's always nice to read an article that reminds me that I'm not alone in this "fight":

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/minority-groups-in-stem_55b651d3e4b0074ba5a51cbe?

Here's yet another article which speaks on what I talk about pretty regularly, the difficulty of being a Woman, especially a Black woman , in Science. And as much as I'd like to say that the "kum-ba-ya" moments in scientific research are increasing, I think the reverse is true, that's there's never been a more difficult time to be a woman AND a minority in Science. And I point to ONE very important politically INcorrect reason for this disturbing trend and that is the large influx of people from misogynic cultures into research positions in the US. There I said it (again), Doc201X keeps it real!!!!!!

Moving on, I'm working on some Youtube vidoes in Biochem in support of my tutoring business and to help myself and others prepare for the MCAT, and lemme tell ya', this is NOT an easy thing to do! But I figured since I have some time on my hands, I may as well do something productive. Plus, this would be a great way for me to draw in more business so I don't have to work with little egotistical men in tiny Family Dollar suits in the near future, LOL!!! I also purchased my first EK book (Biology 1) and will get to work on an MCAT study plan over the next few weeks. I say weeks because I have NO IDEA how I'm going to approach preparing for the exam this time, I'm looking into what others are doing and trying to get an honest assessment of where my weaknesses are (cough, genetics/physics, cough). Here's a screen shot of my using the Khan Academy videos (with me in the background shadows, lol) to play catch up in the biological sciences:

And in the spirit of keeping it real, here's my girl, Cheryl Lynn with a classic hit about doing just that!

The great professional divide, Computational Biology and Health Informatics

And then there's data science which is a nice lane in between the two and the area where I plan to "center" myself.

So what's changed after months of saying computational biology is my baby? A large part of the change is that rather than going where I thought I belonged based on my skills, I'm being led by God through the opportunities that have presented themselves. And I don't think it's a coincidence that I have had more "no gos" this past year than I could count where PIs would promise me opportunities, then disappear like a fart in the wind! But in the context of the absolutely fabulous time I've had working with special needs children this Spring semester and the "people/people" that tend to go into these fields, it's no surprise to me now that Biomedical Informatics/Data Science a more "people/people" field, has "won out" over Computational Biology/Data Science. And I couldn't be happier about it!! However, the fallout from this past school year and the challenges associated with finding a PI has left me feeling pretty worn out both mentally and physically. So with that in mind, I think I'm going to take it easy this next school year in terms of trying to make significant progress toward my PhD. I won't stop taking classes and because I love school so much, I don't think I could if I tried. But besides the Psych and Soc classes I need for the MCAT, I don't think I'm going to take more than 2 additional classes toward my PhD next year, one on the fall and one next spring.

What I'm seriously hoping is that I'll never have this internal debate again about where my personal and academic interests are best served now that I thoroughly understand that I'm better off in environments with "people/people", than environments with Scientists who are often far from being "people/people". Thing is, I remember when I had this revelation back in the late 80's where I was reprimanded by my lab manager for reading a genetics book during my lunch break on a gig where I was hired to wash glassware. I still remember her exact words, "we don't pay you to read about what we do, you're paid to clean our glassware". My first thought was "wow, what a royal *itch", and my next immediate thought was as much as I enjoy research, maybe this isn't the environment for me.

Okay, so I've talked about that enough, I think it's safe to say that now that I'm going back to working for/with Clinicians in a hospital affiliated with a major medical school, where I'll be working on clinical research projects, I KNOW I'm going to thrive (though I know it won't be perfect) while being constantly reminded of what my ultimate goal is, a Physician/Scientist career! In the meantime, I'll continue to think about my 2 year plan to matriculating into med school with the idea that right now, it's best for me to take my time and do it right!

I know why the caged bird sings, Sept 2014

So I had my last meeting with a prospective PI last week, and it went a little something like this:

PI: I noticed you don't have any programming experience, I don't understand why you are interested in my research group (which is a combo bench/bioinformatics work).

Doc201X: Well I've actually been programming for about 3 years now, I started with Java and my last course was in Python. It's listed there (me pointing) on my CV.

PI: Oh.

PI: I noticed you don't have a PhD and I get about 25 resumes a day with people who have PhD's. What can you contribute to my group?

Doc201X: I'm actually working on my PhD in Translational Informatics now. What I do have is a solid understanding of cancer biology and genomics particularly for the type of cancer you're studying right now. In fact, I received a national award for my work in this area. In addition to that and unlike many PhDs who concentrate in either informatics or cancer biology, I'm a bridge to both fields through my lab experiences, education, and work experiences in bioinformatics and cancer biology.

PI: I noticed you don't have any publications and I get about 25 resumes a day with people who have publications.

Doc201X: Actually, I do and that's the work I received a national award in......

PI: (Interrupting me)...... Yes, but I get about 25 resumes a day with people who not only have PhD's but have more than one publication.

Doc201X: Well, if you look at this section (me pointing) of my CV you'll see my publications listed there. Deep sigh.

So after more questions that went like this, I'm thinking I need to end this fiasco ASAP so that's exactly what I did:

Doc201X: Dr. Chinese last name, thank you for meeting me about working with your group. However, I think my skill set would be better suited to a different research group. I thank you again for your time and wish you the best in your future research endeavours. Good afternoon.

I then quickly stood up, shook his hand with STRONG confidence, and I walked out of the door.

Now maybe the fact that he forgot about our meeting in the fist place should have been a sign, I just happened to recognize him at the elevator and mentioned that we had a meeting. But it had been so long since I experienced having a gig disappear like a fart in the wind after meeting with someone, that I forgot what that felt like. It was just amazing how quickly this situation went from "yes, I definitely have a spot for you" after he reviewed my CV before meeting me, communicated with me a few times by email, and with the positive recommendation of the PI I previously worked with over the summer (who is also Chinese), to the scenario that happened above. However, I'm so totally NOT surprised, this kinda $hit happens to people ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!!!! Especially in academic research positions which is why I wish like hell idda' done something else with my life these past 5 or so years. URGH!!! He did "graciously" mention that I could work for him for free, following up on the research proposal I submitted to him before we met. Hellz naw,  though it does look like volunteering with a research group is what I'll need to do until I can find a paying one that fits on both sides. It'll count toward my required rotations, so I'm not pressed plus I don't want to loose these hard earned bioinformatics skills especially the programming ones. But I damn sure won't be volunteering with HIS group!!! Humph! :)

         "As long as you keep your head to the sky, you CAN win"!!!!

When the mentor needs to be mentored.

It's very odd these days to be both sharing knowledge with other students and needing advice from my own mentors, but that's about where I am these days. And I'm extremely lucky to have people in my life available at a moments notice to lend me their ear.

Class wise, I decided to drop my genetics/human disease course and replace it with a genomics/bioinformatics course and the reason is because: 1) The genetics course is during the day and if I get a "real" gig I'd likely have to drop it and 2) my main "gig" goal right now is to get bioinformatics job and I need as many experiences with it as I can get. So this class is perfect, from PLINK for Genome Wide Association Studies(GWAS) to gene expression analysis by RNA-seq, it's exactly what  need to get back to in order to have a decent shot at a "real" bioinformatics flavored gig.

Movin' on, the image for this post is my view from the medical school library where I've decided to hang out in between classes instead of the library at my kid's school, LOL!!! I also realized that I like studying here (around med students) more than there (around PhD students) for a number of reasons not the least of which is that I realize I need to be around "people people" who I have at least some thing in common with. And in this case, I mean being American born. As a multicultural person I dig that diversity is a good thing, but in this situation where I'm trying to establish myself research wise (again), I need to be in as supportive and encouraging environment as possible. So med school it is. In retrospect, I should have known that a field that is so directly tied to computer science such as bioinformatics would be filled with lots of foreigners, but I obviously underestimated the degree to which American born folks would be displaced. And I use the term displace VERY deliberately because that's exactly the way it seems to be.

Speaking of that, my mentor suggested that because a significant proportion of foreign MDs, PhDs, ect are willing to not only work for far less compensation but also for free in research settings while trying for a post doc or residency, that I would very likely need to do the same thing (again) until I can make that MD/PhD program happen. She also suggested that when I reach out to prospective PIs that I submit a 5-10 presentation of a potential project based on their work. And as a post Doc at the NIH, she would know how to smooze a PI, ROTFL!!! Again generally speaking, I have nothing against foreigners working in research settings but I do have a problem that they seem to be favored by both foreign and American born PIs. Especially, knowing that I could NEVER go to China or India and be "favored" over them. Okay, imma slow my roll on this venting about how I think this practice is ruining research in America as we know it, this wasn't supposed to be a "I know why the caged bird sings" type post. URGH!!

Anyhoo, I remain undeterred in my work/study in this field not just because I thoroughly enjoy it and have some skills, but because I think this field is key to the concept of "bench to bedside". And that's where I plan to make an impact in an underserved setting!

The song for this post has one of my favorite career inspiritng lyrics:

"You're the one that was tryna keep me way down
But like the sun, know you know I found my way back 'round"

I know why the caged bird sings July 2014 - Part 2

So I was contacted by a member of a organization of minority students at my school about attending their meetings to see what they're all about and possibly join their organization. And as I've mentioned too many times to count, support especially as an underrepresented minority student is absolutely critical for academic and professional success. I didn't attend the meeting which was held last week but this coming school year, I'm definitely planning to see what they're all about.

This of course, has me thinking about my options for the PhD and where my best options for support are. What I do know is that I don't have enough support where I am now however, I need to do more research before deciding on a definitive program. And that brings me to my fall schedule, I have NO IDEA which classes I should enroll in although I'm pretty sure that I won't be in my current department a year from now, so that's easy. Combined with the invite to an organization that is already in place to support minority students earning PhD's in the basic sciences, it would seem to be a no brainer for me to enroll in at least one course in the basic sciences department.

Right now, I'm feeling like public health won't have enough "science" to keep my interest besides the fact that's the reason I got out of the field in the first place. But translational medicine (a basic science course of study at my school), with it's clinically relevant coursework/rotation requirements, sounds like it could be a great match for me. Other pluses include the opportunity to choose the cancer track with a translational informatics flavor, the already joint program with the MD/PhD program, and my established relationship with a few of the faculty in this area means that this could be a good fit.

As my recent posts indicate, I'm doing a lot of thinking, meeting/talking with people, and analysing of my situation so as to stay on my target date of the Fall of 2016 to matriculate into an MD/PhD program. Luckily, the work I've already done/am doing, counts toward my elective credits and toward one of the 3 required rotation requirements, so that's especially good because it means I haven't wasted any time.

I also realized that I really missed having NO clinical contact with patients this summer, so I've registered to be a volunteer at another county hospital in the area. The one previous county hospital where I shadowed a Doc was great but it's really far away from where I live/attend school so volunteering there would be kinda difficult given my fall work/class schedule. But there is a county hospital within walking distance (who knew?) from where I'll be taking classes this fall, so I'm hoping a get a volunteer spot there. If all else fails, all of the Docs I shadowed for my class this spring told me I could come back if I wanted to and since I'll be attending class/working in essentially the same general area, that's obviously a great option that happens to be super convenient too.

I've often likened my research career/path to being a LOT having to make a way out of no way, or as my late grandmother would say, "if folks won't let you in through the front door, crawl in through a window. If that doesn't work, dig a tunnel."

When it comes to the field of Biomedical informatics and the fact that based on my observations, over 80% of the folks in the field are Asian, I guess you could say that I'm in the "tunnel digging" phase in my career again. And that's nothing new. But what I will NOT do is allow this fact to discourage me from a field that I'm an absolute superstar in. I'll simply have to find creative ways of getting my professional needs met while dealing with the fact that for as long as I've pursued higher education, I've NEVER "fit in" and probably NEVER will. I simply need to focus more on the fact that there ARE people in my life who want to see me succeed and be open to that fact that I may need to go back into a lab setting to achieve my ultimate academic/career goals.

I know why the caged bird sings July 2014

                                            * Image credit wazoow.com

Over the years I've blogged and been actively involved in research positions, I've also thought about a category of blog posts which would address why I think URMs rarely stay in research careers/settings after earning a PhD. So in light of the dynamic of my current research group, I decided to start with a series of posts which will talk about the numerous challenges me and other URMs face in research and research like settings.

I chose the title of this series "I know why the caged birds sings" based loosely on the book by Maya Angelou (RIP) because it speaks to the things URMs often do to survive the often less than hospitable working environments in research settings.

So I begin with a list of what I've learned in my research position this summer:

1) Never work for an investigator that allows a member of the team to regularly insult you.

2) Never work in group where you're the only US born member of the team.

3) Never work on a project more than your paid for when #1 on the list is at play.

4) Don't ever expect anyone to support your professional goals until they have proven over time to support your professional goals.

5) Don't believe anything a PI tells you until you've known them at least 6 months and they've demonstrated an ability to be honest with other faculty and more importantly, other students.

6) And never EVER work for a PI that has publicly disparaged your department.

Looking over this list it would seem obvious that I should have recognized early on that I was not with the right group, but I always fool myself into thinking that if I outwork everyone around me and really know my stuff, I can overcome any obstacle put before me. And while having a very strong work ethic and knowledge base will eventually prove to be the right thing to do, it won't always work in certain settings, a lesson I should have learn after my stint in death pharma.

So I met with my other advisor yesterday and like my grandpa advisor, it's what she didn't say proved to be more telling that what she did say. She also mentioned me officially transitioning to the PhD program in the Spring of 2015. But given what I'm observing in my department now and the knowledge that I can do the exact same thing at another department of my university which is already in a joint partnership with the MD/PhD program, I'm just not sure any more that I'm in the best department for me. Yes, I'm still VERY committed to a PhD in Translational Informatics, I'm just not so sure staying in the department I'm in now will get me to that goal. But I thank God I've been blessed with other options. :)