10 Randoms thoughts

*Image from the SNMA website

So in the absence of a real post, I thought I'd post 10 of the random 10 million things that are running through my mind at any given moment of a day. Here they are in no particular order:

1) I wonder if finishing med school will "cure" my mind of always having 10 million random things running through it, or will it just create 10 million more?

2) My kid has been away at her internship for almost a week and I miss her terribly.

.........after a brief moment of tears before I continue....

3) It was the DUMBEST idea EVER to take an advanced database class in only 6 weeks! URGH!!!

4) The weekly HIV clinical conference I attend is getting SUPER interesting!

5) I was finally approved to attend the Ryan White HIV/AIDS conference in DC and I can't wait to get back home! Turns out that as a non clinician (Imma' fix THIS!!), I get last "dibs" on everything, thus I'll have to stay at a hotel different from the one the conference is being held in.

6) Looks like that gyn surgery I've been putting off for a while will have to be scheduled sometime in the near future. Major BUMMER!!!!

7) The 2 HIV related research projects I'm working on are coming along quite nicely!! :)

8) I've been approved to volunteer at the local indigent hospital in a position to be determined starting in August. I'm leaning toward the baby cuddler program, but I'm leaving that open until I have to make a decision.

9) Formal MCAT review has been nonexistent except I'm learning a LOT in my med term class.

10) It's hot as fish grease in Texas right about now, but I still LOVE living here! :)

Preparing for hades, otherwise know as summer in Texas

So with my academic summer plans set, I prepare for what is supposed to be the hottest summer on record here in Texas. And to all who don't believe global warming is real, I say spend a summer in Texas, you'll quickly think otherwise, LOL!!

Update: Some of my readers may be wondering how things worked out with the student from hell I had last semester. In the interest of professionalism and privacy, all I'll say is that she flunked the ACS (American Chemistry Society) created final exam. And with that, nothing more needs to be said.

Movin' on, one of the classes I'm taking this summer for my HIT certification is medical terminology and this class is definitely NOT the same as the one I took in the early 90's. Based on what I've seen in the book so far, it's more like anatomy/physiology "lite". And that's good since I'll be taking A&P I/II next Fall and Spring (in retrospect, I'm glad to not be taking these classes this summer as I originally wanted before the classes were cancelled). I'm also taking advanced courses Health Data Science as needed/required for my research and for my PhD. Most exciting for me, is that I finally get to learn EPIC in detail, one of the most popular electronic health records systems used in US medical facilities.

Yeah, this summer is going to be GREAT!!!

Done and DONE!!!

Last week, I submitted my final grades for the chemistry class I taught this past spring semester and let me say that I've NEVER in my ENTIRE life been so happy to be done with a teaching assignment! And with that said, I'm just gonna move on but suffice it to say, I'm so looking forward to a summer of NOT teaching!

Movin' on, my schedule for the summer is a somewhat moving target as I'm waiting to hear back from my PhD adviser about whether or not additional sections of a course I'd planned to take this summer will be opened. I'm good either way but can admit that I could definitely use that time in MCAT prep. Speaking of the MCAT, my course schedule for my HIT certification did get changed to require I repeat A&P I & II( that's anatomy and physiology 1 and 2) for this Fall and next Spring. And that could be a blessing in disguise since that would by default include some MCAT subject material too. But that would also mean that my exam date would get pushed back until May 2017 at the earliest which really isn't that big of a deal since I'm not planning to apply to med school until 2018/matriculate in the Fall of 2019, after I finish my PhD.

As for my abstracts, while I certainly have been able to generate some promising results in the 3 short months I've been on this research gig, we just don't have the statistical power to publish anything substantial just yet. But I've been given permission to attend the two meetings I was submitting abstract for anyway, one of which is the Ryan White 2016 HIV/AIDS meeting being held in August of this year in DC. So this will be a trip back home for me and since I haven't been back since we relocated to Texas in 2013, it's a welcome opportunity to visit one of my favorite cities in America, Washington DC!!

Finally, I know I blogged a lot about how frustrating my teaching experience was for me this past Spring, but I think I'll be able to get my "mojo" back over the summer and teach again this Fall. I'll just be doubly sure to teach only 2 classes and NOT 4!! :)

Summer breeze!!

So with temps in the 80's here in Texas, it's feeling a LOT like summer already here in Texas! And with the knowledge that I'm taking classes for my HIT certification and PhD degree along with the MCAT later this summer, I've decided that I'm NOT superwoman. And that means that I won't be teaching this summer as I had originally planned because I ain't superwoman!

Moving on, I'm working on my first, first author abstract in years for an April 29th submission deadline. At this point, I'm not sure if I will make it in time, but I'm certainly giving it my best!

Other than that, everything is everything is a the young people say and life is still pretty d*mn good!

Slow your roll!

So my adviser emailed me to say that I'm putting "the cart before the horse" with this research project stuff and that over the course of the next year I need to focus on: 1) Getting the rest of my classes for my PhD completed, and 2; Passing my written and oral exams.  So, in the words of Nene Leakes from Atlanta housewives, BLOOP!!! :)

However, that isn't going to stop me from submitting an abstract to an AACR (American Association for Cancer Research) meeting to be held in the early fall. But of course, that's going to be HIGHLY depended on what I get done this summer with more certification classes to complete (as a Data Analyst/Health Info Management) and an in depth MCAT review, BOTH with definitive placement on my "summer plate" too.

Still point VERY well taken, I seriously need to slow myself down!!

Holiday break? NOT!!!!!

                                     

I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to finish up 2 stats courses over the winter break, including one class where 70% of my classmates have dropped out after the second week! Yikes!!!. But I think I did it because I'm trying to make up for lost time toward finishing my PhD. I think................
So it looks like joining my local SNMA (Student National Medical Association) chapter was a great move for me because I constantly get email "motivation" from them to stay the Physician/Scientist course. Recently, I got an email about the Annual Medical Education Conference being held in Austin Texas this year and it's an understatement to say that I'm looking forward to attending my first SNMA meeting!! Austin is one of the most beautiful cities in the US and the food there is pretty amazing too, so it's going to be a great time!

That week is going to be especially busy for me since I'll be at this meeting in San Fran earlier in that same week, 2015 Joint Summits on Translational Science. As I mentioned before, many of the people from my old, UNsupportive department in Texas are going to be there and there's also going to be folks from one of my alma maters there too. So I tremendously thank 2 profs at that east coast university in DC for having planted the seeds which helped me get to where I am today, immersed and in demand (job wise) when it comes to the field of biomedical informatics. Speaking of that alma mater, the elementary school where I teach occasionally, has a flag from that school posted in front of one of the classrooms:

                                                      

People say a LOT of negative things about the people/education here in Texas but I tell everyone I know that there are quite INCORRECT!! From the free breakfast provided to ALL students every morning, to the emphasis on getting a college education ie posting university flags, public schools in Texas seem more than committed to higher education than ANY of the 6 other states I've lived in.

Speaking of jobs, I'm still meeting/interviewing like a crazy woman for positions in biomedical informatics/health data science, searching for that combination of flexibility and a gig that I can learn a LOT from. However, finding flexibility is proving to be the most challenging aspect of all but as I've said MANY times before, I'll happily (and blessedly) stick with teaching until the right gig comes along!

Stuntin' like a med student!

Obviously I won't know how it feels to be a med student until I become one. But until then, I'll be THOROUGHLY acclimated to being SUPER busy ALL THE TIME!!!

With just 2 weeks left this semester, I'm FINALLY feeling what I call "academically normal". My grades are still high though I did have little slump when I got sick a couple weeks ago for the second time (still working on managing my allergies/asthma in a new climate), but overall I'm VERY pleased with my academic performance this semester.

MCAT wise I'm behind but without a set testing date on my schedule, I'm not overly worried that I haven't done much in the way of formal studying. With the way my schedule is working out, I won't be able to do a lot of focused studying until May at the earliest. So maybe a late June/early July 2016 date will work? We'll see!!

Movin' on, I'm spending a lot of time reading papers for what I hope will be my dissertation project and I'm meeting with PIs as well. However, given my VERY specific interest in health disparities and natural language processing (NLP) in clinical decision support, I'm realizing that I may be "winging" this dissertation work solo. And by that I mean that rather than taking on a project already in progress, I'll be creating and defending my own. And given the paucity of research in health disparities using NLP, this will be a TON of work. But hey, this is what I've wanted to do for a while so it's ALL good!! :)

Lastly, I've realized the hard way that I'm at the age now where it's do or die as far as me getting in tip top health is concerned. So after realizing that I've gained 15 pounds since I relocated to Texas ( putting the "B" in baby got back), I'm back down to what I was when I moved here, 5'8" and 140 pounds. I haven't started running again just yet, but I am exercising on a regular basis about 3X/week. But this weight "stabilization" hasn't come without major sacrifice, I eat at most 2.5 complete meals a day. And that works out to me eating 5 smaller meals everyday so I'm not hungry. To say it's been a little rough is an understatement especially since I've never in my life had to monitor what I eat. But between the escalating blood pressure and getting a booty made for a rap video, I decided that it's more important to be healthy especially as an old premed and to pass on the ability to REALLY "make it clap", lol!!

Peace at last!!!

So it finally seems that I'm getting pretty well settled in here in Texas. And by that I mean, I've finally decided on my next career goals. I think............, LOL!! With this semester almost over (HELL YEAH!!), I eagerly anticipate formally continuing along the path toward my PhD at my new institution in the Spring.

And yes, I did decide to go for the PhD because I think I can get "more bang for my buck". The fact that almost all of the cohort I would have been classmates with in the Doctorate program were already Clinicians, pretty much "sealed the deal on my decision". And in the biggest irony of all, the methods I aced but received no encouragement/support for in the Asian group I rotated with last summer, are the same ones my new adviser (who is also Asian but Indian, like the folks who have made up most of my tutoring clients) is encouraging me to continue to develop and pursue for my dissertation. That means, that I'll see them next Spring at a meeting for an organization we're all a members of! Boo-Yah!!!

Movin' on, my MCAT studying is coming along though I've dropped off a little recently to prepare two presentations I have to do by the end of the month. And after reading a post on oldpremeds, I've decided NOT to mention a date/year for when I'll apply to med school until after I take the MCAT because there's simply NO point. Yes, I'm still shooting to take the MCAT next year, but the exact date is a moving target (late next summer?). And you know what I'm okay with that for now, because med school isn't going ANYWHERE and though I was concerned about being 50+ when I apply, I've simply decided NOT to worry about that anymore either. Why? Because there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. I realize most many MD schools will rule me out because of my age, but I'm certainly not going to let that stop me from applying anyway. At this point, MD, DO, Caribbean MD, it doesn't matter to me as long as I get it done!

I've got a new attitude!!!!

“I'm feeling good from my head to my shoes, know where I'm going and I know what to do, I tidied up my post of view, I got a new attitude!!””

Those infamous lyrics from Patti Labelle's song New Attitude, pretty much captures what I'm thinking and feeling these days!! I'm going back (FOR GOOD) to a clinical setting, and in the biggest, most exciting news of all, we're getting da' hell out of the suburbs and moving to the city!!!!!Yes, yes, YES!!!!

I actually attended this Prince concert, my first, in 1982 when this very tour came to the city I was living in in Florida.

But I digress, I've been waiting on a move like this for years, but we stayed in the 'burbs because public schools are so much better there. The only sticking point is renting versus buying, and at issue is the fact that buying is MUCH cheaper than renting in the city. But I don't want to jump into city life like that right now because I don't know where I'll end up in medical school ;) (and being landlords just isn't realistic for our "on the go" lifestyles). So I've found a few places that we're going to look at in a few weeks, but I'll be doing this by myself at least initially because DD is going with DH to Cali on business in a few weeks,  right after she finishes her final exams.

Movin' on, I've also decided on a tentative 2 year plan that is actually more like a one year plan as far as the classes I'm going to be taking and my MCAT study schedule. My program advisor is not too thrilled about my decision to slow things down, but he'll get over it. The difficulty I had finding a research group won't be forgotten soon and I need to shore up my “clinical goals” since that's where my heart is, Peds in particular. But to make sure I hit the ground running next month on my new gig, there are some websites I've had to review to make sure I'm up to speed clinically speaking when I start in mid May. One of these websites is the WHO-ICD10 training website which is located here . I'll only be responsible for the general training information and the information specific for GI, but looking through the manual reminds me that med school is going to require learning a TON of information and that the clinical experiences I'm getting now are sealing the fate on future and more importantly, my purpose!!!

"Know where I'm going my worries are few, 'cause I got love (purpose) like I NEVER knew. I tidied up my point of view, I got a new attitude!!

The great professional divide, Computational Biology and Health Informatics

And then there's data science which is a nice lane in between the two and the area where I plan to "center" myself.

So what's changed after months of saying computational biology is my baby? A large part of the change is that rather than going where I thought I belonged based on my skills, I'm being led by God through the opportunities that have presented themselves. And I don't think it's a coincidence that I have had more "no gos" this past year than I could count where PIs would promise me opportunities, then disappear like a fart in the wind! But in the context of the absolutely fabulous time I've had working with special needs children this Spring semester and the "people/people" that tend to go into these fields, it's no surprise to me now that Biomedical Informatics/Data Science a more "people/people" field, has "won out" over Computational Biology/Data Science. And I couldn't be happier about it!! However, the fallout from this past school year and the challenges associated with finding a PI has left me feeling pretty worn out both mentally and physically. So with that in mind, I think I'm going to take it easy this next school year in terms of trying to make significant progress toward my PhD. I won't stop taking classes and because I love school so much, I don't think I could if I tried. But besides the Psych and Soc classes I need for the MCAT, I don't think I'm going to take more than 2 additional classes toward my PhD next year, one on the fall and one next spring.

What I'm seriously hoping is that I'll never have this internal debate again about where my personal and academic interests are best served now that I thoroughly understand that I'm better off in environments with "people/people", than environments with Scientists who are often far from being "people/people". Thing is, I remember when I had this revelation back in the late 80's where I was reprimanded by my lab manager for reading a genetics book during my lunch break on a gig where I was hired to wash glassware. I still remember her exact words, "we don't pay you to read about what we do, you're paid to clean our glassware". My first thought was "wow, what a royal *itch", and my next immediate thought was as much as I enjoy research, maybe this isn't the environment for me.

Okay, so I've talked about that enough, I think it's safe to say that now that I'm going back to working for/with Clinicians in a hospital affiliated with a major medical school, where I'll be working on clinical research projects, I KNOW I'm going to thrive (though I know it won't be perfect) while being constantly reminded of what my ultimate goal is, a Physician/Scientist career! In the meantime, I'll continue to think about my 2 year plan to matriculating into med school with the idea that right now, it's best for me to take my time and do it right!

Team SJGR's newest member, Doc201X!!!!

                                              * my new running shoes

Due in large part to the medical issues I'm dealing with, I finally decided to join the Grady Doctor's Team SJGR. For the uninformed, SJGR stands for "Shit Just Got Real" and was created ~ 6 months after her beloved sister died suddenly a few years ago from cardiac disease in her mid 40's.

And while I'm still not ready to "go public" with everything I'm dealing with medically, I am willing to share most of the things I'm doing to get myself as healthy as I can be. First stop was to loose the 10 lbs I had gained since I moved to Texas that left me overweight for the first time in my entire life. Second, was to start running again even though I have bad knees. Thing is that my knees don't hurt any more than they did before I started running, so go figure on that one. But running is the absolute best way I know of to get my body back looking the way I prefer it look(vanity intended), plus there are obvious health benefits too. The third thing I've done is to limit my salt intake which I never thought was a problem until my blood pressure started telling me otherwise. The last and most important change I made, was to stop making every one else's needs a priority over my own all the time!! And almost 4 weeks in ( I waited to mention it until it became a habit), I'm feeling MUCH better and still sticking to the plan, although there are a few more medical "mountains" I need to climb in the future.

I just finally had to accept (with my Doc's help) that I'm at an age where if I'm not careful, my life could end a lot sooner than I want it to. And that would be a damn shame because "killing yourself with your fork" is the dumbest thing EVER, besides the fact that I  have career goals left to achieve (hello MD/PhD)!!! Plus, you can't outrun your DNA but so long, so I've developed new habits to ensure that don't I end up like so many of my relatives, either dead from a massive stroke in my 50's or even worse IMHO, significantly disabled for the rest of my life. HELLZNAWZ!!! Plus, I now have this amazing 40 something actress as my motivation:

Yep gimmie X months, and I'll be there with Jada Pinkett Smith....... where "X" equals who da' hell knows, LOL!!!

In other news, my classes are going great and I've started to pick up more on the MCAT front. But now I'm a little concerned that I may or may not be preparing for the MCAT in the best way given that it's a new exam. OTOH, there aren't but so many ways to ask questions about identifying aldehydes and ketones. The change to emphasizing Biochemistry will most certainly work in my favor due to my extensive background in Biochem, as will my overall improvement in test taking in general, so I'll keep plugging away and hope for the best!

On the gig front, I have a second meeting with a new research group next week, a group that has a significant amount of direct patient contact as well as work in data analysis. Needless to say, I'm super happy that I decided to take an advanced course in statistical analysis/R programming this semester since I'll be using it quite extensively should this be a good match. The position is at a hospital's medical school in the department of Internal Medicine, so it could be a good short term (PhD) and long term (MD) match!!! And in the biggest irony of ALL, I'd be back to a cancer research project, making me the only person I know that "chases their own damn tail" as much I do and making this recent post VERY unnecessary!! URGH, ROTFL!!!!!!

So what happend to my "End of the Road"  position on research? Well I stopped "robo-emailing" prospective PI's about my research interests for one and excluded projects with a bench research component too. Instead, I cherry picked opportunities that would be good for me and get me closer to my goals which meant that: 1) The gig would come with patient contact, 2) Have an affiliation with a medical school, 3) Use my strong interest in applying what I'm learning in CompBio to clinical research as opposed to bench research, and 4) Potentially count toward my dissertation project. And this opportunity meets all 4 goals.;)

Back to Bugs!!!

                                             *structure of Dengue from Purdue University

So while my research plans are on the back burner as far as my current goals are concerned, they really haven't disappeared too far from my mind as evidenced by the numerous summer and year long fellowships I've applied for, for graduate students in Computational Biology (Comp Bio). The fact is that I just can't "turn my brain off" when it comes to research, so I still regularly read journal articles, but over the past few months, my interests have shifted from cancer back to microbiology/infectious diseases. And given that this is where my research career started when I was an undergrad Micro major( I ended up with a minor in Micro and changed to Chemistry), I guess it's no surprise that I'm back.

The thing is that my research time last year at a top cancer center (and the ongoing disappointment with the realization that folks aren't truly interested in curing cancer due to the billions made in treatment), really struck a personal nerve that was difficult to shake given my family history with cancer. So working there was REALLY mentally tough most days and while I found the science of cancer amazing, the personal toll was difficult. And if I'm really being honest, I find the fact that foreign Scientists have "taken over" the field in the US to the blatant exclusion of other minority groups, utterly disappointing and this has really left a bad taste in my mouth so to speak as it relates to a career in cancer research.

So I've decided to brush the dust off my government clearance to return to a field (applying Comp Bio methods, of course) where US citizenship is required. And with the recent Ebola outbreak, now is a great time to jump on the micro bandwagon. Now for clarity, this isn't about my unwillingness to compete with foreigners who often bring their (culturally nepotistic)"A" game to research endeavors. Now in my 40's, my academic game is tighter than it's EVER been (though folks from mysoginistic cultures haven't responded to that 'ish all that well. And ya'll KNOW who I'm talking about). This is about the fact that as a US citizen, I should have first dibs on jobs I'm qualified for in MY country ( they should follow the American Medical Association (AMA) for an example of how to protect your turf!!) In fact, the work place visa scenario has not only greatly depressed Scientist incomes, it's significantly decreased opportunities for US born Scientists (thanks Mr. Facebook with your "we need more tech people" bs!!!). All that said, almost all of the Comp Bio fellowships I've applied for have a very deliberate "micro" flavor to them and I also decided to pick up a short course in epidemics and disease outbreaks to get back into the micro mood, lol!!!

Moving on to the MCAT, I haven't done much since I needed to refresh my programming skills as required for all but one upcoming fellowship opportunity. But all that work will be done by mid-May, so I'll still have time to get fully prepared for the MCAT. I'm just sooooo happy I spread my prep time out so that I could make these unexpected and unplanned changes to my study schedule and readjust. Now, it looks like the majority of my prep time will occur between mid-May to mid-July which leaves me plenty of time to be ready by my July 27th test date!!

Never too much?

"Baby, you're all over the place".

When someone you're emotionally attached to, starts a conversation off with that sentiment, you KNOW you're in trouble, LOL!!! So it turns out that my plan to train to become a pharmacy tech has scared the "heebie jeebies" out someone VERY close to me. And I can't say that I don't understand why. I guess..........

The thing is that having ADD as an adult means being all over the place (especially when you forget to take your supplements as often as I do) although I can easily concede that it's just not a cool look. Not at this age. I've just had to have plan A-Z my entire life such that it never once occurred to me that to others, I look like "I'm all over the place". But I don't think that's the real point here, I think the MUCH bigger point here is that a Physician/Scientist program is going to require the utmost in focus for at least 6 years (yeah, I'm planning on finishing my PhD in 2.5 years and med school in 3.5 with some academic reciprocity between both programs). So it's probably in my best interest to do my best to get focused NOW!!!

I also realized that I'm going to have too much on my plate beginning in January because I need to hit the ground running on my next research gig. So I decided that in addition to preparing final assignments due in a few weeks, I'd also better start reviewing every thing I've learned in bioinformatics over the past 2 years. And since there's no way in hell I can do all that, study for my Pharm cert in the next 6 weeks, and travel a LOT between now and January 2015,  I've decided put my Pharm tech stuff on hold indefinitely........

Speaking of research gigs, it's an ironic observation that my entire support system at my school is now entirely of Indian descent. My new PIs (2 MD/PhDs) are both Indian men and my new department advisor is a female Indian Scientist whom I've known for over a year. Add to that the fact that most of my business clients are Indian along with the fact that I heavily studied Hinduism in college (as an Eastern Philosophy major) and maybe that's not so ironic afterall. What I do know is that I'm taking support any damn way I can get it and I'm so very thankful for it! :)

You know some people say that you can never have too much of a good thing, in my case the opportunity to learn something new (or some of my awesome Thanksgiving dinner cooking, LOL!!). But what I realized is that for me, that's just not the case either with Thanskgiving dinner and especially not with my academic goals which must stay laser focused if I'm to be successful.

Dem dere's da' facts!!!

As I regularly contemplate where my academic and professional goals and dreams can be best supported, I'm reminded of a few of the facts from the image from this post. Most notably the fact that as a Black woman, I have a significantly better shot at achieving both my MD/PhD goals at an HBCU than ANYWHERE else. Hmmm.

One of my current mentors is a brilliant young Black woman with a PhD in Genetics whom I met a few years back while I was working for free at G'town (while waiting on funding "roll eyes"). She was a Howard University graduate and was in her last year of her first post doc (damn shame I gotta specify which Post Doc). She's also been helping me with my research proposals and when we spoke a few days ago, she suggested I at the very least consider applying to PhD programs at HBCUs as well. My first thought was of the encounter I had with a med school rep from an HBCU (which shall remain nameless, LOL) back in 1999 who suggested that at 35, I was too old to pursue med school and certainly too old for an MD/PhD program. So after that one disconcerting experience, I rather ignorantly wrote off HBCUs for my education......................until a few days ago when I talked to my mentor with the Howard PhD.

When I think about the few Black PhDs I know are still in academia, almost ALL of them are at HBCUs. Of course, there's the stigma that HBCUs can't pull RO1 type funding because the "quality research" just isn't there. Well, after having spent 30 years back and forth in academia at majority institutions, I can say that HBCUs have hardly cornered the market on BS in academia. My own experience with having my ideas shot down yet become someone else’s dissertation project, numerous project contributions that barely resulted in a mention in a paper instead of co authorship like the other folks in my group, not to mention the people too many to count that get their names on papers "just 'cause", I can say without equivocation that what's going on at non HBCU's ain't all that pretty either, hence the almost nonexistence of Black Americans on faculty at these schools.

I always say that if I had gone to an HBCU for undergrad I would very likely be a Physician/Scientist by now, but I hate to dwell on that idea too much because I think it's an affront to the many experiences God blessed me with that became my life's story. But the fact is that the stats on where Black folks get PhDs and MD's don't lie, so it's certainly something I need to seriously consider at this point in my life and career.

Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but useful information just the same!

                              *All I want to hear are pro MD/PhD convos!!

So I met with Dr. E yesterday, and a few key points came out of our meeting:

1) He thinks a PhD in Computer Science is the way I should go if I'm really serious about natural language processing a sub-field of clinical decision support/Health Informatics. Note to self, I ain't that damn interested!!!

2) I should "play to my strengths" in other words, develop a project using my extensive background in Cancer Biology and............... wait for it................Pathology.:)

3) Starting the PhD program officially isn't the best idea because I could get "stuck" there, meaning I may not get accepted MD/PhD and will have to finish the PhD or risk upsetting a whole lotta people.

4) When an PI hears "medical school" they're immediately turned off.

I'm gonna' be honest, if I "got stuck" in a PhD program more than 5 years after I started, I wouldn't just be upset, I'd be MAD AS HELL!!! And I've seen too many people to count, "get stuck" in a 7-10 year PhD program so I decided a LONG time ago that that just ain't gonna be me! EVER!!!! My other problem with the basic science PhD is that the job market SUCKS thanks to the large immigration of Scientists/Physicians from other countries. Add the numerous post docs basic science PhD's do, and I could see ending up a VERY bitter ol' PhD. More than that, my heart just ain't in the basic science PhD only otherwise, I would have finished one a LONG time ago. That said, I also realize that not having one is one reason I'm having a difficult time with the job market. The additional expectation I've observed that people with PhDs work for free initially (which foreign PhDs/MDs do too willingly for me) and now you have a recipe for a HUGE career regret IMHO. As for my med schools goals, I'm simply not going to lie about it to anyone, so if a PI can't "handle" knowing what my goals are and that it won't cost them squat other than their time, then that's clearly NOT the PI for me.

So where does that leave me now? I'm in the process of thinking through options including applying for NIH diversity grants which won't "bind me" to an investigator for more than 1 year at a time or to a PhD program, and will also allow me to continue to develop my bioinformatics skills. But I'm also now more than ever, considering leaving my current department due to the knowledge that according to Dr. E, it's becoming more computational (and indirectly more Asian), so I think finding long term support where I am now is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack. In my department, you're "golden" if you're either already a clinician (Doc, Nurse, ect) or a Computer Scientist, but a Scientist not so much. Of course, I've had doubts about staying where I am for months now which should have been a sign, especially given that that's what the MD/PhD program coordinator indirectly hinted at during our meeting months ago.

I think the bottom line for me is that I need to "get over" whatever it is keeping some place where I'm not supported ie put aside the fear of change, and haul a$$ to a place where I'm not only supported as a person, but I'm encouraged in my goals too!

If no one will give you an opportunity............................

..................create your own! For the past week I've been busting my butt trying to get fellowships and grant apps completed for the early November deadlines that I didn't find out about until last Wednesday. So while eating at a local med school and feeling more and more exasperated about my inability to find a research group, I saw a positing for fellowships in Translational Medicine so I called even though I'm not officially in a PhD program yet.

The woman I spoke with happens to do recruiting for one of the graduate programs at my school and she suggested I apply for a couple fellowships and grants that I had NO IDEA about before. So I got in touch with Dr. E and my "grandpa" advisor about my personal statement and research proposal. Now, I meet with Dr. E later today, but I met with my grandpa advisor on Tuesday and man, when I left his office, I felt like I had gained another anal orifice, ROTFL!!! He started with the "get your arse to med school ASAP" speech again and ended with why I haven't found a research gig yet. But there were NO tears after I left this meeting this time, just a titanium coated resilience to take his advice to heart and do what I KNOW I need to do.

Other things going on in my life is that in between reading a TON of papers and developing a research project, I've been trying to make progress in one of my Bioinformatics courses. And I'm stuck trying to use a software program (PLINK for Genome-wide Association Studies or GWAS) in an operating system (Ubuntu/Linux) not commonly used for GWAS. Put another way, there's not nearly as many troubleshooting tips on the net for Ubuntu as there are for Windows or Mac users. But before I toss my laptop out of the window, I'm learning to take a few deep breaths and say "woo-sah":

And it ain't hardly working, LOL!! But I'm doing my best to make it work because my blood pressure is starting to creep up every now and then on a regular basis. NO CAN DO!!!

At any rate, I continue to be in what I like to call a "caterpillar" season because I feel myself growing and changing in a LOT of great ways. I previously blogged about my concern about having to participate on a project that is someone else's passion, but not finding a suitable gig not only forced me to find another way to get my goals achieved (if they won't give you a gig, get your own damn funding for a gig) but also to conduct research that will benefit people who look like me, which doesn't happen nearly as much as it's needed! What this means for me personally is that my proposed project will encompass cancer health disparities and informatics, exactly as I originally hoped!!! :)

Making a way out of no way.

                                   Texas humidity = bad poofy hair days, LOL!!!

So last week I volunteered at an Informatics meeting and overall it was a great experience. The second day was a little rough because the team lead that day was a micromanager, but overall I had a pretty good time. And like I predicted in my last post, everyone from my last group over the summer was there and seemed surprised (as hell) to see me there, LOL!! Of course, it was nearly impossible not to see me since I worked the registration table and was the ONLY Black person at the entire meeting. And given the strong computer science nature of this sub field of informatics, I was not surprised to observe that the majority of the attendees were Asian. It is what it is.

The highlight of the meeting for me was meeting (urgh redundancy) someone from an East coast government employer that is not only considering me for a research fellowship with her agency (since I'm having such a difficult time finding one where I am now) but FAR more importantly, offering to be a mentor too. In fact, she was one of the first PhD students (and even fewer women) to complete a dissertation in what was then the emerging field of Translational Informatics, which is my intended area of focus. Honestly before I met this Scientist (an Asian woman), I had MANY days where I felt like I'd have a better chance of being hijacked by a blind terrorist with a peg leg than developing skills in translational informatics in a research setting. And as has been common among the many URM students/scientists I've known throughout my career, we are often relegated to projects which have very little substance (ie lead to publications) for reasons which can't be explained by qualifications, work ethic, and academic acumen alone. But you know, I don't have an ounce of time to focus on that bullshizzle anymore, I'll continue to do what I need to do until the goal is achieved, obstacles be damned!!!

Movin' on, my orientation to volunteer at the cancer hospital is delayed due to a scheduling error and I'm a little disappointed by that because I've got some "free time" I need to use ASAP. But it's only delayed by a few weeks, so it's cool.

I ended my VERY busy week visiting my friend who has been discharged to a rehab hospital learning to do basic things like swallow and walk again. And instead of focusing on the long road ahead for him mentally and physically, I'm choosing instead to focus on how this experience keeps me motivated to pursue my long term, MD/PhD goals.

Now I'm not one to celebrate the foul language contained in many rap/hip hop songs. But the the song featured on this post is my "ode" to any and all the "b*tches" things/people that would serve to keep me off track, discouraged, and feeling isolated. MOVE!!!

Still Standing!

So last week was a bit of a whirlwind as I was back and forth to the hospital checking in on my friend and his family, and also interviewing for research gigs too. My friend came out of his coma and is doing well despite some scary moments last week. He has little feeling on his right side, an outcome that may unfortunately be permanent. But we won't know for sure until he completes his stint at a local rehab facility, where he's being transferred to next week.

Gigwise things are okay and I honestly hesitate to say "great" (even though that's how I'm feeling) since I've been disappointed gigwise for a few months now. The PI I met with claimed to have 3 open slots and was only interviewing 4 people so I know that statistically speaking, my chances of landing one of those gigs is great. The issue is that there's 1 gig of the 3, I want FAR more than the others because I'd like to use most if not all of these hard earned skills in bioinformatics I've developed over the past few years. OTOH, whatever I don't get research wise with this next gig, I WILL get with my academic program, it just makes a LOT more sense when your research and coursework line up for LOTS of reasons. The other really great thing about this gig is that this area of cancer is seeing a resurgence in funding and I was told that there would be dissertation opportunities in the future because of that. Of course I heard this about dissertation opportunities before with my last gig over the summer, so I'm sure my readers will excuse me if I seem less than enthusiastic about what this PI has told me. I guess I just underestimated how challenging it would be to find a supportive group to join at one of the top academic centers in the US where opportunities are supposed to be plentiful.

Movin' on, my MCAT verbal review is going well and I'm obviously very happy about that. Between the MCAT tutoring I've done over the past 2 years and my own "attitude" adjustment about the exam, I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to taking in again in April.

I'm also scheduled to begin volunteer training at a local hospital in a few weeks and that's especially exciting! I'm just soooooo excited about this place in my life, I can hardly contain myself!

Lastly, I'll be out of town next week, volunteering at an Informatics focused meeting and that's just, WOW, the most exciting thing happening next week!!! As I understand it, my old group from the summer will be there and one of the PIs will be presenting. So I can't WAIT for them to seem ME again, LOL!!! The thought of that reminds me of some things my mentor said to me recently and I'll quote her email below:

"............Don't give up because of a few bad apples. There are some wonderful research groups out there..... Anyone in research has gone through the exact same thing. It happens time and time again........ You can't let that discourage you from achieving your dreams.........Chop it up to that and keep it moving!" 

No matter what field a person pursues for a career, you WILL need supportive and encouraging folks around you at ALL times, so do whatever you have to to create that "village" of folks around you.

Speaking of that, I had a rather odd conversation with my Mother yesterday after she viewed my linkedin profile (unbeknownst to me at the time). And if you've been reading my blog for a while you know my Mom is NOT supportive of the path I'm on and frequently says things to discourage me....like go to nursing school. Anyhoo she sounded impressed with what she saw, saying things like I had no idea about what you've been doing for the last few years, and about how difficult what I do sounded to her. And I'm thinking (after I unstuck my eyes from the back of my head because I rolled them so hard, LOL) it would have been nice to have had some support for this, because being a Black woman in a filed dominated by foreign Asian men has REALLY been "something". I can't say that she's now supportive of what I'm ultimately trying to do, just that it doesn't matter to me one way or another. My "village" of support and encouragement is a tight as drum!!! :)

I'm still waiting...................

So while I wait to receive the contract for the gig I accepted (translated they must be looking at other candidates because there's NO excuse for me to not have it yet), I've got another interview set up with another cancer research group for next week. I'm not real clear on what the exact duties are just that it's in GI which I have very little experience in, and none in GI cancer. But with no contract in sight, I'm open to ANY group where I can get financial and career support.

Other than that, I'm glad it's starting to get cool here in hot arse Texas! :)

Go shorty, it's your birthday!!!!!

                                            *Image from Google Images

The week of my birth began with one of my mentors Dr. E, telling me that she's going to do an 18 month RN program at a community college so she can go into administration at the public hospital where she's currently working in Informatics. Now for clarity, NO hellz NO, this isn't my newest career revelation, LOL!! Of course, this is a revelation I was already aware of but for a slightly different reason. After my rotations earlier this year in a variety of clinical specialities in medicine, I was reminded that I was missing a LOT of personal and career satisfaction not being involved in patient care. A whole hellva' lot!!! But the nursing model of medicine has never, EVER appealed to me otherwise I would have followed in the foot steps of my Mom, and become an Advanced Nurse Practitioner. Plus the field is dominated with women...............umm HUGE NO THANKS!!!!

This week, I also had to meet with my 2 advisors and was greeted by the one in my current department with "You're applying to med school this year, right?" before Dr. B even said hello, LOL!! So our conversation started with my plans for matriculating into med school for the class entering in the Fall of 2016 and my current study for the MCAT due to my last scores "expiring" this month (according to some schools, scores are only good for 3 years). We then discussed whether or not I should stay in the Biomedical Informatics department or transfer to the Translational Sciences department. Now this advisor has a joint appointment in both departments which is the main reason I picked him, besides the fact that he was my professor in the Spring and I shadowed him at the county hospital where he's an Attending. So we have a REALLY good relationship!! Anyhoo, he suggested I stay where I'm at giving my very specific interests within Biomedical Informatics and that was a relief, because after meeting with my advisor in Translational Sciences earlier in the day, I felt I should stay in the Informatics dept too. But when he started suggesting classes in Artificial Intelligence (and the preq classes to even enroll in that class), I started to question whether or not I'd made the right decision, ROTFL!! One thing he did make crystal clear is that there is a significant need for Physicians trained in the nuances of Health Informatics (translated, those that understand the programming languages used in Health and Biomedical Informatics) and that I was studying the field at a very good time.


On the "work" front I'm still undecided about the next "group" I'm going to join, but I hope to have more clarity after I meet with the last PI on my radar on Tuesday. In the meantime, my Informatics classes keep me plenty busy these days as does the verbal reasoning/MCAT practice I'm managing to integrate into my daily study routine.

Lastly, I got one year closer to the half-century mark age wise on Thursday and since I meet with 3 different PI's on that day too, I'd say that that isn't a typical way one spends their birthday, ROTFL!!! But at this point in my life, I was VERY happy to spend it the way I did since I have long since grown inpatient with where I am in my career right now ie not in an MD/PhD program. But the knowledge that with each passing day, I'm one day closer to my MD/PhD goal means that I wouldn't change a thing about how my special day was spent! Plus, I'm just happy to still be here when so many of my loved ones are not.