I think the title (and image) pretty much sums up how I'm feeling these days, I have MANY moments when I feel like there aren't enough hours in a day for me to get all the things I need to get done! But there isn't much I'd change about it because I'm learning so much and growing in so many ways!!
One of the things I'm most proud of is how much I've improved as a professor over the last few months, and I can admit that it did take a LOT for me to get adjusted to the "Demographics" of students I teach. I say it to my supervisor all the time, this particular experience has been more a lesson in adjusting my teaching in ways that would prove most helpful to my students who are not only minority, but come from the lowest of economic backgrounds. I understand much better how an attitude of mediocrity gets passed on from generation to the next and is often mistaken from people from higher SES (socio economic status) as laziness or being unmotivated to learn. But it's almost impossible to maintain motivation to study when you're taking care of family, working, AND going to school. Being a minority myself, I can empathize with what they deal with in life, but trust me I have NO problem being tough when I need to be. So it makes my day when my students tell me they look up to me and I even have one who told me she wants to be a Chemistry professor just like me! :)
Moving on, I mentioned that I frequently walk in my downtown neighborhood and even though I'm from the south, I'd never in my life seen the following on trees growing up:
If my daughter hadn't spotted this, I'd never EVER notice it myself, so I guess nature/evolution has a way of making sure delicate/vulnerable species survive (there's an MCAT topic here, ROTFL!!) The tree I saw must have had 500 caterpillars all clustered together in "packs" of 3 or more per tree! And on this note, I'm going to end this post because this picture makes my skin crawl REAL bad, LOL!!!!!
Although I questioned it at first, I now understand why my adviser didn't know I would soon be conducting research at one of the top medical schools in the US. I've had so many interviews that seemed promising only to be let down in the end, so I guess I really didn't believe it myself until I got the contract by email last week. And I suppose I'm really not all that surprised that with this "new realization", he's now encouraging me to complete my dissertation with this infectious disease(ID) group despite the low publication rate of my adviser. So now that I'm thoroughly confused about what I should do dissertation research wise, I've decided to put the dissertation issue on the back burner and focus on 4 things over the next 1.5 years: 1) Scoring well on the MCAT later this summer, 2) Learning as much as I can in my ID data research gig, 3) Finishing up my 2 health data certifications by the end of the year, and 4) Finishing all my PhD courses/passing my written and oral exams. And that is MORE than enough for ANY one person to do in 1.5 years!
Movin on', in what is now my 6th week teaching general chemistry at a predominately Hispanic college, I'm realizing that the challenges many of my students face outside of the classroom are pretty damn difficult to overcome. And with the knowledge that many of the students at the wealthy predominately White university where I last taught, not only have supportive parents encouraging them toward excellence but also attend regular tutoring, I'm getting a better understanding of why Black and Brown kids don't pursue careers in STEM. But when I learned at a faculty retreat this past Friday that only 13% of the STEM students at my school graduate, something else in me started brewing, something that became a FULL blown anger at "the system". I have "a few" college degrees all obtained at predominately White universities, including some of the best universities in the country. And at NO time in my tenure at ANY school do I think a pass rate of 13% in STEM would EVER be acceptable! EVER!! So why in the hell is it "acceptable" at this college?
URGH!! Anyhoo, I have a couple ideas about what they need to do to turn this thing around starting with getting a better Chemistry textbook! The book we're using now (General Chemistry by McMurry et al) is just terrible in it's organization. Yeah, McMurry has a fantastic textbook for Organic Chemistry (it's in my Orgo collection, though I've never used it for a class). But just because you can author a great orgo book doesn't mean you can effectively author any other chemistry textbook, especially general chemistry. And I know this book well because my kid "used" it in her AP Chemistry class in high school a few years ago. Actually, she ended up learning chemistry from my Petrucci Chemistry textbook from the 1980's and only last year did I update to the 4th edition of Petrucci just to modernize my general chemistry textbook collection. Here it is in case someone reading is looking for a good chemistry textbook, just make sure to order the solutions manual too:
This experience like so many others I've had in the educational field, are a reminder that while I do enjoy it to a large degree and welcome the opportunity to mentor and "give back" to women and/or minority/disadvantaged students, committing to it full-time isn't something that will ever be on my long term goal list. Because like Big Pharma, I find far too many "unnecessary" obstacles to success that people in these industries not only find acceptable, they seem indifferent too. The "as long as I've got mine, you get yours the best you can" attitude, is simply more than I can tolerate.
I'm not usually the kind of person that has negative feelings about one year ending and a new one beginning, but that's exactly how I felt at the end of 2015!! Last year was one hellva' year for me on every front possible, mentally, personally, emotionally, physically, academically, and most especially, professionally!! So I was VERY thankful to end the year on such a high mental and emotional note with my teaching gigs lined up, my academic goals moving forward, and my health in a MUCH better "glad I no longer need to have an immediate surgery" place!! WHEW!!! :) Best yet, we're leaving for our multi-state vacay later this week which had to be postponed because I had the dumb arse idea to take 2 courses over the winter break.
Movin' on, the chemistry class I'm teaching this semester will be my largest EVER, in a room that looks a LOT like this:
This is also my first time in a LONG time, teaching chemistry for chemistry and engineering majors which could potentially be challenging since premeds, ect, tend to sometimes be "know it all" kinda students. Still, I'm really looking forward to it since I've been given free latitude to teach however I want as along as I'm getting the message across to students. Along those same lines, I'm going to also start posting again on my Chemistry with Kimberly website on a regular basis too! So anything related to my teaching experiences will be discussed there.
Interestingly enough, I've also started a blog in health data science though I'm not quite ready to go public with that one yet! Turns out there aren't ANY blogs by women in health data science that I've been able to find, so it will be interesting to see how much "traffic" I generate! Speaking of health data, I'm going to a meet-up later today to see a demonstration of IBM-Watson Analytics. My interest in this platform started with IBM Watson Oncology which I learned about while working at The MD Anderson Cancer Center. I'll let you click on the links to see for yourself what it's all about, needless to say in interface between computers and healthcare is here to stay and I'm so excited about the future holds for someone like me, with a strong interest in both!!
Speaking of medicine, I've already started back with my simultaneous review of both general chemistry and biochem for the MCAT, and will start with practice tests in those subjects when I finish my current course next week. Yep one thing ends, another begins, that's how I'm happily rolling these days! :)
So the title of this post is a spot on definition of what my life is these days, and I honestly wouldn't have it ANY other way!!
After a few rough weeks of adjusting, I'm finally in a great place school and career wise though I have to resist the temptation to continuously question why in da' hell it took me so long to get to this VERY comfortable and focused place.
MCAT wise, I'm doing concurrent review in Biology and Chemistry and as I've previously mentioned, regularly tutoring a student in chemistry is that extra push I needed to get the lead out so to speak. The book I'm using is below and it's an updated version of the book I used in undergrad 30 years ago.
I realized recently that what Profs are teaching these days is a LOT more extensive than the stuff I learned, so I decided to upgrade my "equipment".
Speaking of Profs, I interviewed for a part-time position as an Adjunct Chem prof at a local college starting in the Spring and I'm looking forward to doing that again too, but in a MUCH more socially and financially diverse school than the one I worked at a few years back. And in the spirit of yet another revelation (not that I needed this one), I've come to the conclusion again that educational environments work best for me!!! And for the future, that means that I'll likely end up working at an academic institution as a Research Physician if I don't go the Locums route which still looks VERY appealing too.
As it relates to building my career in health data/health informatics/health information technology, I've decided that based in large part on my past job experiences, that I will ONLY work for someone with the "Dr" title moving forward. Now I realize that this sounds educationally elitist but the reality is that working for someone I outeducate has led to the worst jobs experiences I've EVER had. In today's work environment, people seem to worry about you either taking their jobs or having to work for you one day (although most times, it feels to me like most people still have a high school mentality). At any rate, I've simply decided to avoid what I know does NOT work for me. Plus, you add the fact that I'll also be working on my Doctorate (classes, which would have to be signed off by my Supv), and now I could have a recipe for an insecure Boss explosion!!! Thanks, but I'll pass on that!!
So that might bring up the question of how will I adjust to being a med student who frequently works with/around people with less education. Well, I 1000% respect folks who have something to teach me plus, those folks know going in what my ultimate goal is so as a student, I'm NO threat to their current job security. And since medical school is a place for me to learn, I have absolutely NO qualms about the fact that they'll be PLENTY of people for me to learn from no matter how much education they have. However, the biggest differences between med school and answering to someone I outeducate on a job is that: 1) The people I'll be around in med school will be there to teach me something I'm dying to learn and I gladly accept this. Most importantly, I'm NO THREAT to their current position as a lowly med student. So I expect an entirely different situation than the one I've experienced as a hospital employee. Finally, being the daughter of an Advanced Nurse from a family full of Nurses, I know better than to disrespect Nurses who make up the majority of healthcare professionals in hospital settings.
The last topic I want to blog about today is that I decided to go ahead and pursue my Doctorate concentrating in Health Administration and Health Data Science because I realized that there's NO real reason I can't keep ALL my education and career goals in play at the same time as long as I'm willing to work hard. I realized that all I really needed to do was change the company I keep to positive folks, share details of my career goals with folks on a "need to know basis", and bust my tail to get both the organizational skills and motivation to multitask on multiple levels ALL THE TIME. But the single most important thing I needed to do was to have the faith that God gave me multiple talents for a reason and that if I maintained a "faith of titanium", there was absolutely NO REASON I couldn't do what I've talked about FOR YEARS!!! So right now, I'm preparing for the MCAT, teaching/tutoring Science courses, working on my HIT/Health Data Analyst certification which doubles as Doctorate course prep too.
*multitaking without compromising style
I'm also volunteering with Komen and participating in organizations related to my future as a Physician (through SNMA) and Health Data Scientist (through Women Who Code and Blacks in IT). And when it's cool in hot a$$ Texas, I manage a couple tennis matches too!! Yeah, it's an understatement to say that I work day and night!!
With all the grammatical errors I make while blogging, it came as quite a shock when I submitted an assignment for one of my HIT classes and was accused of copying someone else's work. But then writing scientifically in proper grammar/English hasn't been a challenge for me since undergrad. None to worry, after I explained my background to my Prof he apologized for his error in thinking though he didn't change my grade on that particular assignment( he gave me a "C"). And being the late blooming gunner that I am, since my overall grade in the class is an "A", I decided to let this one pass.
Moving on, I made a LOT of progress in my MCAT Biology review this week. But I also dropped the two students I had been tutoring because I realized that I just don't have the time if I'm going to make getting accepted to med school and mastering Heath Data before medical school (and getting paid a LOT of money in the meantime) a priority. Along those same lines, I'm also interviewing for another Health Data Science gig after a local recruiter got my attention with a potential offer that I just couldn't pass on!! And speaking of gigs, I had an amazing week working with my kids and feel like I have a couple future Scientists among my students too!!
It turns out that over the past year or so, a recurring message keeps popping up over and over again, more than at ANY time in my life and that is:
GET YOUR BOOTY TO MED SCHOOL ASAP!!!!
Starting this Fall semester, getting into med school will be my PRIMARY objective. Not research gigs, or even clinical research gigs, just getting into med school. So my first step was to resign from my clinical research gig because while I was only being paid for 40 hours, I was expected to work 50+ hours on an inflexible 8-5:30 when you MUST be here, strict schedule. Of course, I knew this gig would be "problematic" from the jump because my too small Kmartsuit wearing, 2 feet shorter than me from a highly misogynistic, foreign culture supervisor turned out to be the epitome of the phrase "how da' heck did you get YOUR job?!?!?!!?". His "soft major" aside, I mean he asked me in an email why I used the "@"sign in a database dictionary I created and what the symbol meant. Yes you read that right, he asked me what the "@"sign meant, in an email and he was dead serious. Less than a week later, I resigned. Adding the fact that I out educated him by 3 STEM degrees, and it was clear that from a "working for a short man from a misogynistic culture perspective", this was never going to work in the long run, not that it was supposed to. Along these same lines, research environments have over the past 5 or so years, become filled to the brim with middle aged people from cultures where women are less than second class citizens. And this is a huge problem that no one seems to want to talk about or address.
Now I know I said before I wouldn't speak negativity on my blog, but this just couldn't be helped this time, LOL!!! And it's well with me because I NEVER resigned from my teaching gig which should have in itself, been a "sign". Having the "Fly Doc" (who warned me about this gig and my little dude supv in particular) be replaced with "Mr. soft major in a too small Kmart suit" should have been a second sign, and it was. And that's why I hung onto my teaching gig, so when the kids return to school in August, I will too!! I'm also looking at an Adjunct teaching gig at the university level as well as tutoring over the next school year, a couple premed students too. Truth be told, I really missed having a flexible schedule at this point in my life, and working overtime for a micromanaging incompetent wasn't going to get me to my goal.
However, the two most important things I'm going to do this fall is volunteer at a hospital (the one I just resigned from, haha) and study for the MCAT. There's also a couple 5 year premed/med programs in the state that I have my eye on, and with the 3 additional med schools opening in Texas, moving here was by far a super great idea for my family and me! The fact that we love living here (minus the devil's anus heat) and are around the nicest people I've ever met, I couldn't be any happier than I am now about the future! Except if I were also IN Med school! ;)
"I'm so proud of you for sticking to your goals when the average person would just take the opportunity they have now and run with that".
Yesterday, I was talking with a long time friend of mine and I mentioned that I had been asked by yet another Principle to return the next year as a full-time Teacher at a super salary (especially for a small town)! My friend who knows the gut wrenching details of my career efforts for the past 2 years, told me what I've quoted in the post and honestly, it almost made me cry.
I'm more than aware that many times, people end up not in the careers they envisioned for themselves, but in the one that seemed to come of of nowhere. I also blogged a couple days ago about feeling like my career these days is unexceptional which I should clarify to mean my research/lab experiences these past 2 years. The thing is that many times, I think people just get comfortable with the "position from nowhere" based on the income it provides, or maybe they really like their coworkers, or maybe it fits their lifestyle as a working Mother (Working Moms seem to do this FAR more than Working men), or perhaps all of the above. Sometimes when I think about how blessed I am to have been a Teacher before and also have a natural knack for working with kids/students, it makes me wonder (for a picosecond) if I'm doing the right thing career wise. But that's the shortest picosecond in the history of time, a good part of what attracts me to medicine is the constant intellectual stimulation and requirements to keep learning something new. The idea that I could also work with kids is just icing on the cake! And I wouldn't have to give up teaching either since I've had my eye on an academic career for as long as I can remember (though I'm VERY concerned about age discrimination when that time comes).
For now, I've decided to work with kids every two weeks on Friday afternoons when schools seem to need help the most. And I'm hoping my new research group will be okay with that.;)
So earlier this week, I met with a research group focused almost completely in Computational Biology (CompBio) and Data Analysis, and I have a second meeting to schedule with them after they take a look at some of my code at a popular website for computer programmers. The research with this group is in Infectious Diseases which is what I've wanted to "switch into" for a while now, and it's also at a different medical school from the other interview I mentioned. But there's no patient contact component, so while I'm going to hear them out (especially since I'll be compensated MUCH better due to the CS flavor of the gig), I'll be praying real hard to make the best decision in the short and long term.
Movin' on, I'm now leaning toward taking the MCAT next year after I get some better feedback on: 1) how the test will be scored and 2) how to prepare for the test. Knowing that it's normalized to fit a bell curve concerns me for a first time exam.
And that brings to me my position of not being in a hurry to start med school even though I think it's VERY risky from an acceptance point of view to apply when you're over age 50 (of course, most people think it's absolutely insane, LOL!!). But then I remind myself that I choose the username Doc201X which in itself is problematic because it didn't force me to mentally stick to a timeframe to matriculate. Of course, I think that's FAR easier to do when the only person you have to worry about is yourself, because having a family can often complicate career decisions. More so, if you let them and I think these past 2 years, I've let my family be more of an excuse for not matriculating than I should have allowed it to be. That said, my thoughts about delaying med school now have to do with the goal I set of having the "Dr" title by the year 201X. And at some point, no matter what my goals are, I feel like I need to force myself to stick with a plan. PERIOD!!!
What I also find highly ironic is that most people don't start blogging about med school until after they've decided to matriculate and I'd guess that if one looked at the blog "drop out" rate among nontraditional premeds, it's probably pretty high owing to the fact that most folks never do matriculate into med school. Then there's that ugly reality about dealing with humans that became crystal clear to me by the message a reader (anesthesiologist?) left me regarding why I hadn't matriculated yet. Just plain mean spiritied and uncalled for since by blogging I open myself up to ridicule by coward idiots who by nature of leaving anonymous and discouraging messages on my blog, probably wouldn't dare put details of theirlikely sorry assed life on display for critique/criticisms by strangers. But I digress, the point is that this path is difficult for any nontrad student owing to a large part of deciding on a "best time" when other people are depending on you and your support system is not so great. So regularly ignoring stupidity and discouragement, simply becomes passe' and par for the course for a future Scientist/Physician like me especially when there are so many wonderful opportunities at medical schools on the horizon!!
This doesn't exactly describe the life of a person in the field of Bioinformatics/Data Science/Computational Biology, but it's pretty darn close to what I hope my career will look like 20 years from now. Me, relaxing in Caribbean waters (where I'll have a second home), consulting with Clinicians all over the world on their data heavy research projects.
Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
And in case anyone is wondering why the combo "Bioinformatics/Data Science/Computational Biology", it's because there's so much overlap in the core curriculums of these 3 programs (you specialize with your electives) that I list them as one. So while I've been crystal clear this is my "area" research wise, my dissertation advisor/research project will dictate which one of the 3, I end up focusing on. ;)
So I had a meeting with my new research advisor yesterday and what can I say, I left the meeting with a profound sense of appreciation for the fact that I have FINALLY found another Prof who "has my professional back". I also realized that while my research rotation last summer helped me better define my interests in the interface between medical research and computer science, how poorly I was treated while working there left my self-confidence in shambles (and that very likely came across in the interviews I had last Fall which may explain the outcomes). So I'll continue to rebuild that but with a group that believes in me and what I'm ultimately trying to accomplish.
Moving on, my verbal reasoning review is going well and though I'm not scoring as well as how I performed on the exam, I'm pretty certain that all these years of reviewing for the MCAT are going to pay off big time. I mean how could it not and I also look forward to passing on to others what I've learned.
Well, my posts are going to be pretty short as I embark on a CS deep next few months while also preparing for the MCAT. I'll also be doing research though not regularly until around March, my CS intensive classes and MCAT review are going to keep me plenty busy until that time!
Now in the spirit of me putting the "mo back into the jo", this is one of my favorite "comeback" songs!
When someone you're emotionally attached to, starts a conversation off with that sentiment, you KNOW you're in trouble, LOL!!! So it turns out that my plan to train to become a pharmacy tech has scared the "heebie jeebies" out someone VERY close to me. And I can't say that I don't understand why. I guess..........
The thing is that having ADD as an adult means being all over the place (especially when you forget to take your supplements as often as I do) although I can easily concede that it's just not a cool look. Not at this age. I've just had to have plan A-Z my entire life such that it never once occurred to me that to others, I look like "I'm all over the place". But I don't think that's the real point here, I think the MUCH bigger point here is that a Physician/Scientist program is going to require the utmost in focus for at least 6 years (yeah, I'm planning on finishing my PhD in 2.5 years and med school in 3.5 with some academic reciprocity between both programs). So it's probably in my best interest to do my best to get focused NOW!!!
I also realized that I'm going to have too much on my plate beginning in January because I need to hit the ground running on my next research gig. So I decided that in addition to preparing final assignments due in a few weeks, I'd also better start reviewing every thing I've learned in bioinformatics over the past 2 years. And since there's no way in hell I can do all that, study for my Pharm cert in the next 6 weeks, and travel a LOT between now and January 2015, I've decided put my Pharm tech stuff on hold indefinitely........
Speaking of research gigs, it's an ironic observation that my entire support system at my school is now entirely of Indian descent. My new PIs (2 MD/PhDs) are both Indian men and my new department advisor is a female Indian Scientist whom I've known for over a year. Add to that the fact that most of my business clients are Indian along with the fact that I heavily studied Hinduism in college (as an Eastern Philosophy major) and maybe that's not so ironic afterall. What I do know is that I'm taking support any damn way I can get it and I'm so very thankful for it! :)
You know some people say that you can never have too much of a good thing, in my case the opportunity to learn something new (or some of my awesome Thanksgiving dinner cooking, LOL!!). But what I realized is that for me, that's just not the case either with Thanskgiving dinner and especially not with my academic goals which must stay laser focused if I'm to be successful.
So it turns out that the gig I mentioned in this post where there were 3 positions and 4 job candidates, has unofficially come through for me with a start date of January 5, 2015. And as a reminder, this is the gig where I'll be involved in data
analysis, bioinformatics, and seeing patients too which also comes with
the opportunity for dissertation work in the long term. Now once again, I've been verbally offered a job but have yet to receive anything in writing. However in this case, the position wasn't created at the time I interviewed for it so I'm not surprised I haven't seen an official contract yet. But I'm still cautiously optimistic given my recent history with gigs these days.
Movin' on, I haven't done ANY MCAT study in weeks and I don't really have a reason why except that I'm mentally drained with my lack of research gig situation and have decided to work on a definitive study plan starting in January. I am still enjoying my bioinformatics courses to the point where I'm looking at other options for getting more training in a department where I feel supported. So I'm visiting a Genetics department a week from Monday in an effort find a supportive environment where I can further my training in Bioinformatics. My HowardU mentor is constantly reminding me that it's not necessarily the degree that counts, but the training you receive earning the degree. And since I have a background in Cancer and Genetic Epidemiology from my time as a predoctoral fellow at the NCI, I'm looking at ALL my options. Interestingly, one of my classes which has focused intensely in GWAS or Genome Wide Association Studies works extremely well with the idea of me studying Genetics at the graduate level for reasons which should be obvious by the name GWAS. However, I have had to dust off my knowledge base in genetics all semester because it's been years since I used it. So instead of being frustrated by it, I've reminded myself that cancer is a genetic abnormality, bringing everything I'm learning now full circle with what my research interests are and what I've learned in the past.
Other updates are that I'm still working on my Pharm tech certification study (gotta have the plan B gig IN PLACE!!) and it's kinda interesting to be looking at drugs from a different perspective given my previous disasterous learning experiences working in big Pharma, great experiences working with the feds in drug approval process, and having earned an MS in Pharmacology which was more about how drugs work than their identity/what they're prescribed for. I actually feel like these experiences are coming/have come together for a reason which just isn't clear to me right now for whatever reason. All I do know is that come hell or high water, I will be in school full-time (MD or DO/PhD) by 2016.
So last week was a bit of a whirlwind as I was back and forth to the hospital checking in on my friend and his family, and also interviewing for research gigs too. My friend came out of his coma and is doing well despite some scary moments last week. He has little feeling on his right side, an outcome that may unfortunately be permanent. But we won't know for sure until he completes his stint at a local rehab facility, where he's being transferred to next week.
Gigwise things are okay and I honestly hesitate to say "great" (even though that's how I'm feeling) since I've been disappointed gigwise for a few months now. The PI I met with claimed to have 3 open slots and was only interviewing 4 people so I know that statistically speaking, my chances of landing one of those gigs is great. The issue is that there's 1 gig of the 3, I want FAR more than the others because I'd like to use most if not all of these hard earned skills in bioinformatics I've developed over the past few years. OTOH, whatever I don't get research wise with this next gig, I WILL get with my academic program, it just makes a LOT more sense when your research and coursework line up for LOTS of reasons. The other really great thing about this gig is that this area of cancer is seeing a resurgence in funding and I was told that there would be dissertation opportunities in the future because of that. Of course I heard this about dissertation opportunities before with my last gig over the summer, so I'm sure my readers will excuse me if I seem less than enthusiastic about what this PI has told me. I guess I just underestimated how challenging it would be to find a supportive group to join at one of the top academic centers in the US where opportunities are supposed to be plentiful.
Movin' on, my MCAT verbal review is going well and I'm obviously very happy about that. Between the MCAT tutoring I've done over the past 2 years and my own "attitude" adjustment about the exam, I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to taking in again in April.
I'm also scheduled to begin volunteer training at a local hospital in a few weeks and that's especially exciting! I'm just soooooo excited about this place in my life, I can hardly contain myself!
Lastly, I'll be out of town next week, volunteering at an Informatics focused meeting and that's just, WOW, the most exciting thing happening next week!!! As I understand it, my old group from the summer will be there and one of the PIs will be presenting. So I can't WAIT for them to seem ME again, LOL!!! The thought of that reminds me of some things my mentor said to me recently and I'll quote her email below:
"............Don't give up because of a few bad apples. There are some wonderful research groups out there..... Anyone in research has gone through the exact same
thing. It happens time and time again........ You can't let that discourage
you from achieving your dreams.........Chop it up to
that and keep it moving!"
No matter what field a person pursues for a career, you WILL need supportive and encouraging folks around you at ALL times, so do whatever you have to to create that "village" of folks around you.
Speaking of that, I had a rather odd conversation with my Mother yesterday after she viewed my linkedin profile (unbeknownst to me at the time). And if you've been reading my blog for a while you know my Mom is NOT supportive of the path I'm on and frequently says things to discourage me....like go to nursing school. Anyhoo she sounded impressed with what she saw, saying things like I had no idea about what you've been doing for the last few years, and about how difficult what I do sounded to her. And I'm thinking (after I unstuck my eyes from the back of my head because I rolled them so hard, LOL) it would have been nice to have had some support for this, because being a Black woman in a filed dominated by foreign Asian men has REALLY been "something". I can't say that she's now supportive of what I'm ultimately trying to do, just that it doesn't matter to me one way or another. My "village" of support and encouragement is a tight as drum!!! :)
It's the biggest understatement in the world to say that I was thrilled to learn that one of my "real" gig recommenders knew my future supv VERY well and had also worked with him. It's also no coincidence to say that I'm thrilled to be joining a group that's ALL male and in a relatively new department too, so they'll be room for significant career growth should I decide to stay for a while.
But honestly, this is all a very premature conversation because I haven't officially accepted the job yet. The hold up? Me and another interview I have next week with a Breast Cancer Genomics/Bioinformatics research group. I also haven't seen the final contract yet for the new gig and I've had one too past experiences with folks who think they can "flip the job pay and/or description script" after they think they have me on lock. NO. CAN. DO. My days of accepting less than what I'm worth are OVER.
School wise "everything is everything" as the young folk say and I STAY geeked out about all I'm learning and the people I'm meeting!! The fact that it all is directly related in some way to patient care it just well, my favorite cliche' of all, the icing on the cake! On the MCAT front, I haven't done anything in over a week but it's okay, the beauty of taking a semester to review the verbal section is that I'll have PLENTY of time to catch up. I am also leaning toward not taking any "formal" classes next semester so that I have plenty time to study for my April 2015 test date. But I do plan to work on my programming skills next spring and that will keep me plenty busy enough with a new gig and MCAT review. What I'm not going to so is overwhelm myself so that I can be in the best position to finally get at least that "30+" I'm shooting for!
Speaking of programming, I'm not one of many (new) programmers (or old for that matter) in bioinformatics that does so with hands like these:
But that's cool, I'm finally coming around to being my true self around some of the stiffest but smartest people known to man, ROTFL!!! My blue nails are just one reflecting of how good I'm feeling these days:
So I've mentioned before that I'm taking a class in translational sciences which is team taught primarily by MDs and MD/PhDs. In this course, the lecturers discuss their research and how it supports the concept of "bench to bedside".
This past week our class was taught by the Doc that discovered the chemotherapy treatment for a major cancer and has spent the past 50 years creating other treatments for this particular cancer. So to say that I was impressed is an understatement. Actually, I had this kinda moment during his lecture:
Now I get that only a true researcher would understand how big of a moment this was for me. And the fact that he said a few kinds words to me was just the icing on the cake. So what did he say? Well he first commented that he "was soooooo glad to see me there" and I understood the underlying meaning of what he said the moment he uttered it. As the only brown face in the class and one only of 2 predoctoral students, I think he was excited to see his field show some much needed diversity. The fact that I answered a few questions during his lecture was just the icing on the impress the prof cake, but I have to always be mindful to not go the "gunner route" during class discussions because I want good rapport with my classmates as well. I just had to keep pinching myself during the lecture because it seemed like such an unbelievable moment and was again, a much needed reminder to stay the course!
My week ended on a really great note as I'm now considering 3 different offers, 2 at the graduate research assistant (GRA) level and one at the "real job" level. Ironically, the "real" one came after a lecture in my department that was attended by ALL of the folks I worked with in my summer gig (except then mean lady), so needless to say, I had some trepidation about seeing them again. But that all went away quickly when I was warmly greeted by the husband and wife team (with the cute baby), with a very sincere "we REALLY miss having you around". Then the wife proceeded to give me a big huge which caught me totally by surprise because culturally speaking, native Chinese folks aren't that big into hugging, at least not in my experience. Anyhoo, while talking to her my conversation was overheard by two of the speakers that just happened to be looking for someone with my skill set. One thing led to another ie interviews, and now I have an almost 6 figure gig in Texas to consider. Now on one level (financially that is), this should be a no brainer but on another, I'm concerned it could take me down a different path than the one I'm on. In other words, I worry about getting "comfortable" and dropping the MD/PhD for the Doctorate in Health Administration, with a concentration in Information Systems. And in case folks are wondering where that came from, Information Systems is just another manifestation of Biomedical Informatics in a program that is not only part time, but gives me credit for my work experiences in the field.
On the flip side, I also had a moment this week where I thought again about becoming a Pathologist especially as I realized the the Doc's lecture was based on work he did with a Pathologist on board. Yeah, it's kinda hard to get around the field of Pathology where novel cancer treatments are concerned and of course, I've always known this. Now I have to be honest here, if I were 10 years younger I'd be far less stressed about "doing the right thing" now because I'd know that I have time to do something else too. OTOH, tomorrow is not promised to ANYONE at ANY age, so who says that I couldn't say, get the DHA in Information Systems/Translational Informatics, work in that for a few years, GET PAID BIG TIME, then go to med school? Or maybe I'll work on the DHA or PhD in the next two years, go to med school in 2016, then between years 2-3, finish up the DHA or PhD, followed by the MD 2 years later?
Yeah, I think I really like the sound of that last one, but I'm going to meet with my academic advisors next week, make a decision on a gig, then move forward with whatever the heavily "prayed upon" plan is at that time.
This video by Usher pretty much says what I was thinking and this week's lecture, replacing the "God" with "Gosh", of course!
While I'm still LOVIN' my life here in hot a$$ Texas, I'm NOT loving this PhD track I'm currently on. Yeah I get it, doctoral level work is typically no joke, but damn. THIS?!?!? AGAIN?!?!?
So, I get an assignment which extensively uses my background in Chemistry/Pharmacology and that is also the very first time I've applied my knowledge in this way. I complete the assignment with 93% accuracy/precision besting the computer algorithm they developed to do the same thing by 13% and a PhD in my group by 23%. Yet, that's STILL NOT good enough to warrant an extension of my research assistantship for the remainder of the school year. DAMN!!!
What happened? Well, once they had the knowledge they needed to improve their algorithm (which came from ME), it was decided that I wouldn't be needed past mid-August. So all that talk about my getting a PhD with this group as was discussed in my interview for this gig, went right out the window! Double DAMN!!!
I'd LOVE to say that this kinda thing is "new" to me or that I haven't observed it at other points in my career. But the fact is it's NOT. And this turns out to be the MAJOR reason why I don't advise ANYONE who wants a research career to get a PhD alone. Absolutely NOT!!
Movin' on, I've decided to take the new MCAT for a couple reasons not the least of which is that my old score expires this year and I tutor students taking the MCAT. So I'd need to be up to date on the new info anyway. What da' heck, I actually like the MCAT now having figured out how the darn thing works, LOL!!!
*resting on my injured hand is a BIG NO NO! Especially without my wrist brace!! So 1 month into my fellowship and my life has FINALLY fallen into place and what that really means is that I'm now used to being tired all the time. But as I ALWAYS say, I'm really enjoying life anyway! Unfortunately, I'm about 2 weeks behind in my class because I injured my shoulder and also have carpel tunnel in that hand (my right, and I'm right handed). So things are moving VERY slow! That also means that my strongly computer driven fellowship program is slowed down as well. Luckily for me though, my PI and professor are giving me a LOT of leeway while I go through physical therapy and take meds that leave me very sleepy. Interestingly, I'd started using my left hand more just because I'd learned that doing so increases “brain power” and I can't get enough of that these days. I also use voice recognition software to complete the numerous summaries I have to write for the gazillion papers I have to read. However, I can't afford the $2K software that understands biomedical terms, so this often proves to be an exercise in extreme patience more than getting my assignments done in a timely fashion.
*my quadruple screen work station Movin' on, I'm also neck deep in my Orgo review for the MCAT and that's going well too mainly because I have a client taking Orgo I & II this summer. It's funny to be teaching a course I once flunked TWICE but I'm always amazed by what a little confidence and hard work can do! I just struggle to get my Orgo students to do the same! Other news is that my kid and I have transitioned from a mother/daughter relationship, to being more like roomates and it's kinda fun. Until she drinks the last root beer soda (my favorite) and forgets to get more when we go grocery shopping. :( She's basically learning to be an adult even though she lives at home because I REFUSE to add another spoiled, irresponsible, entitled young adult to a population already filled with a LOT of them! She also started college ~1.5 weeks after graduating a high school and while a felt a teeny, tiny bit of pity for her not having much of a break, her full scholarship/participation in the Honors STEM program at her school came with certain responsibilities. Like starting college soon after graduating high school, so my “Black Tiger Mom” advice to her was to “suck it up and be thankful to God for this opportunity”. That said, she's adjusting quite well and I'm very proud of her efforts!!
So no sooner than "I decide" that my cancer research career is over, do I learn that one of the projects my new PI is considering for me involves cancer drugs. Well damn, LOL!!! So at this point, I'm going to hold back on talking so much about what "I" want to do research wise and instead, focus on what God puts before me because CLEARLY I don't have a clue, ROTFL!!!
Movin' on, I've started working on my MCAT schedule which is essentially the exact same schedule I used back in 2011(?). This time however, I'm expecting to finally crack the 30+ mark by a LOT!!!
I also had my Anesthesiology/OR rotation yesterday and suffice it to say that I will NOT become either an Anesthesiologist OR Surgeon. It was great seeing the different pathologies in the cases, but that is pretty much where my interest in either field ended BIG TIME!!!
Last thing on my plate these days is getting additional phlebotomy training for the specific purpose of getting me back into a clinical setting ASAP. So I got back in touch with the woman that I was working with a few months ago and I'm really hoping she can add me to the next class of folks who will be getting training next month. I know I'm running out of time to get this done since I have time now but won't have much in about 2 weeks, so I've got my fingers crossed that it all works out soon. Funny thing is that I've have the opportunity to make significantly more money working as a Scientist (if I was willing to move), but I'd MUCH rather make less money doing a job that allows me to be in a medical setting, interacting with people. Plus, these jobs are ALWAYS in demand which is an added bonus.
Man, so interesting to contemplate how much of a difference this particular semester has made in my life.....................................
Over the years, I've been a fairly big critic of Beyonce and all the "vagina thrusting" she does in her music videos. But her latest album Beyonce', gets multiple "listens" EVERY single day.
Especially this song with its African influences both in beats and dance, and how it relates so much to how I'm feeling these days:
So despite all the challenging news I've gotten so far this week, there are also some definitive things to celebrate. Like my still 100% perfect average in the second part of my Bioinformatics course, including the midterm that was due on Monday, but that I didn't know I had until the day before, LOL!!! Needless to say, I was up until midnight Sunday night, but what I'm learning and doing so beyond cool I didn't even mind! There's also my scheduled rotations at the county hospital at the end of the month with Dr. B, my newest mentor and the Doc I shadowed for my first IM rotation. Speaking of Dr. B, I learned that I have the second highest average in his class!! There's also Dr.E who works in health informatics at the same hospital where I'm to do my rotations and who also has an inside scoop on a couple Health Informatics gigs there at said county hospital.
The thing is that it may be best for me to just increase my client load until my fellowship starts, which will hopefully be next month. I can also get to work on that list of schools I've attended (now 14 strong) to get my app ready for AMCAS submission. Then there's the MCAT, I need to put together a new study schedule for a test date I still haven't definitively decided on yet, but that I clearly need to think about REAL soon. Yeah, I think I can find some things to do to occupy my time, ROTFL!!!!
I'm going to end this post with one of my favorite songs by the group Mary, Mary which also gets at least one play/ ere' day, as the ol' folks say. I especially like this lyric from the song:
"Can't be mad at the things you been through cuz they built yo muscle, Now you're stronger than you've ever been they can't stop yo hustle"
I recently learned that there's GREAT power in putting your goals and dreams on paper, something I'd NEVER done before. Because when it comes to a dream like medical school, it certainly isn't going to just fall in your lap, you have "put" that goal out there in the universe, then actively go after it!
1) Someone who used to work with an angry man --- > woman, gender changed, transvestite?
2) Someone who was laid off for not being able to work in a lab with a leaking chemical tank with said transvestite?
3) Someone who found out her Mother has cancer 30 mins after she got laid off, the same Mother that "hid" her years earlier cancer Dx?
As I was leaving the cancer center for the last time as an employee this afternoon, I ended up sitting on the shuttle next to a middle aged woman, with the body of a 20 year old. Fo' real! And she was talking about the treatment she was getting for her stage IV thyroid cancer. And I was once again reminded that while the road ahead for my Mother is filled with uncertainty, today we're here and doing our best to deal with the here and now. I was also reminded that God himself has removed a TREMENDOUS burden/obstacle for me being able to be there for my Mom in the next how ever many months. And I know His grace and mercy will see me through.
Ironically, I'll be back at the cancer center in 2 weeks for a required rotation for my Health Informatics class which just happens to be in the same department I was laid off from. And I also have an interview with 2 PI's about research projects in the department down the hall.
