The well is dry, and now you're thirsty?

 
How someone could think that the 10 years it took me to fine tune my expertise in Chemistry/Biochemistry/Pharmacology could be gained by a barely English speaking computer scientist in 2 weeks, I'll NEVER know. But what I learned last week is that the "sassy" female (of course) Assist. prof my group works with, thought exactly that. Really? NO REALLY??? Yeah, really!

There are some aspects of my current position which I purposely choose not to talk about on my blog because I didn't want too much "negativity" in print. But it turns out that sassy prof tried to convinced my PI that another member of my group could do the work I was brought on to do, as well as I to do it, while our PI was out of town for a couple weeks. Of course, when the guy fell so flat on his face during his presentation on Friday that he left a dent on the floor, my value to the group and her idiotic thinking, came to light. So after he failed to explain all the nuances of the chemistry involved in the project, our PI asked if I could do it with NO NOTICE. And why was I able to do this with NO problem? I'm ALWAYS prepared for this kinda thing because I seem to ALWAYS be in these situations. So to say that my presentation was a slam dunk is an understatement, my PI and the other members of my group, were quite pleased and praised my hard work. And yeah, I "keeps me" a presentation on "standby" of whatever I'm working on as this is part of my "Research for a Minority 101" of things that must be done to do stay "winning" in the research game!

Of course, none of what happened was a surprise to me given that sassy prof grilled me thoroughly during the interview and made the comment: "If this task is taking you so long, why should we hire you?". Now the fact was that if she had a better command of the English language, I would have better understood what she wanted me to do during the interview. And being the professional I am I didn't say that (although I wanted to), but I did respond with this:  "Well, you need to hire me because I'm the only one here with both the education and expertise in Pharmacology and Chemistry to support your research". 

Now with that type of an "introduction" to the group, I haven't been surprised that she's far from being my biggest fan. And this type of thing has been "par for the course" in my research career since forever, so it barely bothers me anymore. Fittingly, her thinking that my knowledge/expertise could be gained in 2 weeks, resulted in our PI not only getting into her arse after the meeting, but also into the poor guy who was assigned one of my tasks during the meeting after his presentation. And to think sassy prof had said to me at a meeting earlier in the week, in front of the ENTIRE group: "I  don't think we need you anymore", only to get her a$$ handed to her at weeks end, LOL!!!!

It's clear now that my PI realizes my value to the group, so I have some decisions to make, although the decision of NOT getting a PhD with this group is already made, it ain't gonna happen!!! The thing is that I really like what I'm doing/learning and I also wanted to present at national meetings this fall and next spring. Obviously if I change groups now, the fall meeting is likely out of the question, and possibly the spring one as well. So at this time, I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I will definitely be praying real hard about my next move before I make it.

So after my group meeting on Friday, I went to talk to my "main" graduate advisor, who is more like a grandfather to me in the years we've communicated both before I joined the department and since my matriculation. And after telling him the details of my experience (I hadn't mentioned anything until Friday), he gave me a LONG list of potential PI's he knows with slots available this Fall, including a few at one of the top 10 Universitys in the US. He then advised me to do some homework looking at all my options before making a decision. We also discussed my "timeline" for the MD/PhD and so far I'm right on schedule!!! And in a rather rare occurrence in my career, I can tell that not only is he very supportive of me, but immensely proud as well. And that kinda of support is worth it's weight in gold!! :)

Now I know this song by Fantasia is about her former relationship with that woman's husband, but I think my current group situation is apropos as well, ROTFL!!!

Regrouping

So it looks like I have some great options where my research is concerned and I've realized once again, that PI support much more than project interest, should be driving my PhD goals. Normally, students complete 3 rotations before deciding on a group, so I'm chalking this up to completing my first rotation, and keeping things moving.

A HUGE part of keeping things moving is going to be looking at ALL my options for my dissertation project. Including completing it at a major gov't agency through a joint program my school has with said agency. The big advantage to that would be that I would be paid at a higher rate because of the time I already have with the gov't. But that would also require a relo back to the East coast. Hmmmmmmm.

Other news is that I'm finally starting to get back to normal where my shoulder is concerned. And that's big because I'm still trying to get caught up in my classes. Speaking of that, it's been pretty cool to reflect on how much I feel like I've "grown" careerwise, learning more about clinical care than I ever thought I would outside of being a medical student/resident/physician. And what's really nice is that the work is just so darn interesting and necessary if the goal of improving health for everyone is going to met. I still have my SES based doubts about how "everyone" is going to benefit, but it is nice to know that what I'm learning/doing now is going to make me that much better of a Clinician. :)

Today, I'm leaving you with one of my all time favoriite gospel records. I especially like the line "God's gonna work it out, you gettin' ready to smile":

When beating the computer is not enough.........

While I'm still LOVIN' my life here in hot a$$ Texas, I'm NOT loving this PhD track I'm currently on. Yeah I get it, doctoral level work is typically no joke, but damn. THIS?!?!? AGAIN?!?!?

So, I get an assignment which extensively uses my background in Chemistry/Pharmacology and that is also the very first time I've applied my knowledge in this way. I complete the assignment with 93% accuracy/precision besting the computer algorithm they developed to do the same thing by 13% and a PhD in my group by 23%. Yet, that's STILL NOT good enough to warrant an extension of my research assistantship for the remainder of the school year. DAMN!!!

What happened? Well, once they had the knowledge they needed to improve their algorithm (which came from ME), it was decided that I wouldn't be needed past mid-August. So all that talk about my getting a PhD with this group as was discussed in my interview for this gig, went right out the window! Double DAMN!!!

I'd LOVE to say that this kinda thing is "new" to me or that I haven't observed it at other points in my career. But the fact is it's NOT. And this turns out to be the MAJOR reason why I don't advise ANYONE who wants a research career to get a PhD alone. Absolutely NOT!!

Movin' on, I've decided to take the new MCAT for a couple reasons not the least of which is that my old score expires this year and I tutor students taking the MCAT. So I'd need to be up to date on the new info anyway. What da' heck, I actually like the MCAT now having figured out how the darn thing works, LOL!!!

Momisms June2014

                            *AMC movie mother-daughter selfies

Doc201X: "You'll fall in love and you'll be screamin', dreamin', oooooooooh"!!

That's a line from the song Poison by Bel Bev Devoe, and I'm singing it after my daughter and I got back from seeing the movie "Think Like a Man (TLAM) Too!!".

DD: "That's not what's he's saying".

Doc201x: "Yes it is".

DD: "No it's not".

Doc201X: "How would you know, you weren't even an embryo when that song came out".

DD: "I know 'cause I know, and I also have the song".

Doc201X: "Yeah, well let's hear it so you can see how dead wrong you are. And when you're wrong, you'll owe me $5.00 from the bet you just made challenging my 90's music trivia" knowledge.

DD proceeds to boot up her iMac to the play the song and OF COURSE I"M RIGHT, ROTFL!!!!

Doc201X: "See I told ya. And you owe me $5.00".

DD: "I didn't agree to that".

Doc201X: "Doesn't matter, gimme my 5 "dalas" kiddo".

Laughter ensues!!! Then we commence to watch the first TLAM movie!!

That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!!!

 
So this morning as I put the finishing touches on a document related to my response to my last death pharma gig, I'm reminded of why I would have been a hellva an attorney, LOL!! In fact, I would be  a "beast" my kid's words, should I decide to go that route and I have to be honest and say that I have thought about it a couple times, proof of which is that I blogged about it before. Maybe I'm just an idealist that needs a wake-up call that when money is involved, most people will do the wrong thing. Or maybe I just keep hoping that one day people will "do onto others as they want done onto to them or their loved ones". Or maybe I just need to make sure that I continue to build my business so as to avoid the kind of situations that was my last death pharma gig. The bottom line is that in the years since this country elected it's first Black president, the EEOC has had more claims filed with their agency than ever before. And that is so NOT a coincidence to me. :( Yeah, I'd be a beast in the courtroom..................................)

Moving on, I'm almost caught up in my class and taking my pulled/strained muscle meds as instructed has been key. I always forget that while I may feel (most of the time) and look like I'm in my early 30's, my body is in it's late 40's, LOL!! So, recoop time and medicating properly is key for treating minor injuries. I also had a moment this week where I thought "gee, this informatics stuff is kinda boring", then I reminded myself that I'll one day combine it with clinical duties, which will more than provide enough "action" for the slow informatics days.

So to keep myself focused and motivated, I spend a LOT of time reading the Resident boards of a popular site for Docs and it's fun! Except that on one level, I'm reminded how many working environments are LOT like middle/high school. Then I get disillusioned (again) and remind myself that no working situation is perfect (except that maturity is ALL I'm asking for), I'm really interested in locums work in undeserved areas, and I also have my own business to build too. Now how locums work and research are going to combine I have NO idea unless I do more consulting on research projects than actually having my own research group. Plus, the research environment has changed drastically since I started in the 80's, and I don't know if I think a research career as I originally participated, is a realistic possibility for anyone anymore anyway! Triple "any", ROTFL!!!

Settling in..............

                             *resting on my injured hand is a BIG NO NO!                                                             Especially without my wrist brace!!
So 1 month into my fellowship and my life has FINALLY fallen into place and what that really means is that I'm now used to being tired all the time. But as I ALWAYS say, I'm really enjoying life anyway!
Unfortunately, I'm about 2 weeks behind in my class because I injured my shoulder and also have carpel tunnel in that hand (my right, and I'm right handed). So things are moving VERY slow! That also means that my strongly computer driven fellowship program is slowed down as well. Luckily for me though, my PI and professor are giving me a LOT of leeway while I go through physical therapy and take meds that leave me very sleepy. Interestingly, I'd started using my left hand more just because I'd learned that doing so increases “brain power” and I can't get enough of that these days. I also use voice recognition software to complete the numerous summaries I have to write for the gazillion papers I have to read. However, I can't afford the $2K software that understands biomedical terms, so this often proves to be an exercise in extreme patience more than getting my assignments done in a timely fashion.

                                    *my quadruple screen work station
Movin' on, I'm also neck deep in my Orgo review for the MCAT and that's going well too mainly because I have a client taking Orgo I & II this summer. It's funny to be teaching a course I once flunked TWICE but I'm always amazed by what a little confidence and hard work can do! I just struggle to get my Orgo students to do the same!
Other news is that my kid and I have transitioned from a mother/daughter relationship, to being more like roomates and it's kinda fun. Until she drinks the last root beer soda (my favorite) and forgets to get more when we go grocery shopping. :( She's basically learning to be an adult even though she lives at home because I REFUSE to add another spoiled, irresponsible, entitled young adult to a population already filled with a LOT of them! She also started college ~1.5 weeks after graduating a high school and while a felt a teeny, tiny bit of pity for her not having much of a break, her full scholarship/participation in the Honors STEM program at her school came with certain responsibilities. Like starting college soon after graduating high school, so my “Black Tiger Mom” advice to her was to “suck it up and be thankful to God for this opportunity”. That said, she's adjusting quite well and I'm very proud of her efforts!!

The most important accomplishment in my ENTIRE life....

.....getting my only kid to college with a full scholarship in hand to study Engineering this Fall!

Of course, I actually forgot her graduation date until my sister/friend/kid's godmother sent me an email the Sunday before last Friday's graduation letting me know when her flight would arrive the coming Thursday. And my first thought when I received her text message was "why is she flying out here a week early"?? DUH!!! So I didn't actually forget DD's graduation, I got the date mixed up by one week, which probably sounds just as bad!

In reflecting over this past year, I had a TON of doubt that moving to hot a$$ Texas just before her Senior year was the best thing to do. But she hated high school much until we did move, that she was going to graduate a year early. So everything worked out in the end she loved her Senior year and made great friends. OTOH, she didn't get nearly the academic accolades she would have received had we stayed at her old high school in Maryland and she not transferred to a new high school last November (too late for Tennis season and selection to the Honor Society :( ). But she did manage to make the Honor roll for 3 of 4 quarters and sat first chair in the violin section in the Orchestra. Most importantly, her education will be completely free thanks to her scholarship and selection to the Honors program for Engineering students at her University. Most significant for me though, is that there's a TON of diversity at her university including in STEM programs which was of the upmost importance to me. I strongly believe that her seeing other brown girls studying in STEM, will have a HUGE impact on both her social and academic life!

Moving on, things are going great for me as well, not too much to update with other than what I've already said a thousand times before, I LOVE my life here in hot a$$ Texas!! :)