God is really, REALLY laughing at me now, LOL!!!

So no sooner than "I decide" that my cancer research career is over, do I learn that one of the projects my new PI is considering for me involves cancer drugs. Well damn, LOL!!! So at this point, I'm going to hold back on talking so much about what "I" want to do research wise and instead, focus on what God puts before me because CLEARLY I don't have a clue, ROTFL!!!

Movin' on, I've started working on my MCAT schedule which is essentially the exact same schedule I used back in 2011(?). This time however, I'm expecting to finally crack the 30+ mark by a LOT!!!

I also had my Anesthesiology/OR rotation yesterday and suffice it to say that I will NOT become either an Anesthesiologist OR Surgeon. It was great seeing the different pathologies in the cases, but that is pretty much where my interest in either field ended BIG TIME!!!

Last thing on my plate these days is getting additional phlebotomy training for the specific purpose of getting me back into a clinical setting ASAP. So I got back in touch with the woman that I was working with a few months ago and I'm really hoping she can add me to the next class of folks who will be getting training next month. I know I'm running out of time to get this done since I have time now but won't have much in about 2 weeks, so I've got my fingers crossed that it all works out soon. Funny thing is that I've have the opportunity to make significantly more money working as a Scientist (if I was willing to move), but I'd MUCH rather make less money doing a job that allows me to be in a medical setting, interacting with people. Plus, these jobs are ALWAYS in demand which is an added bonus.

Man, so interesting to contemplate how much of a difference this particular semester has made in my life.....................................

Turning the corner on cancer research

I've been pretty explicit of late about my waning interest in a cancer research career. And it's amazing for me to contemplate how much my opinion about this field has changed following a brief stint at one of the leading cancer research institutions in the world. In short, the search for a "cure" for cancer is the cruellest of oxymorons EVER. The fact is simply that in a strongly capitalistic society, profit will ALWAYS trump ANY motivation to prevent deaths from a disease like cancer when there are literally BILLIONS being made from folks being treated for cancer. And perhaps it was my naivety about how the real world works that has led to such a huge disappointment or maybe it's my stint in "death pharma" that did it, or perhaps it's been the seemingly impossible task of finding a cancer research groups that "sticks". The bottom line for me now is that I think it's time for me to make a permanent turn to some other area of research, and the rotation I had in the clinical trials department of a major cancer center last week pretty much sealed the deal for me.

I've also talked a lot these past few months about cardiovascular research and given that FAR more people, especially women, succumb to cardiovascular disease than cancer and this disease tends to have FAR better outcomes, this feels like it could be a good personal and professional fit. And put in the context of my strong interest in EM/Informatics, things could work VERY well in the long run. It's just overwhelming to think of all the knowledge I've gained studying cancer for the past 10 years that must now be supplanted with learning a completely different disease process. But the fact is that all the knowledge in the world is useless if I'm never given the opportunity to put it to work.

Honestly, it's overwhelming to think of where to begin, but I'll do a combination of sending "cold emails" to PI's doing research of interest, attending rounds in EM and IM/Cardiology, and reading related journal articles. Looking at things from the outside, I think a project combining EM, Informatics, cardiovascular disease, and health disparities could touch on ALL my current interests right now. But the "how" of how all this will come together is what's so "up in the air", it feels like it's past Pluto, LOL!!!

Movin' on, I've started my MCAT review beginning with the biological sciences since a couple of my clients are preparing for their AP Biology exams next month. And since this is an area of great strength for me, it sounds like a great way to get back into MCAT mode. And in the spirit of keeping it real, I'm supremely concerned about the stats being more likely that my score will go down than up especially since I've already experienced that some years back. I'm just betting that the MCAT tutoring I've done in the two years since I took the exam will trump any statistical chances of my scores going down. We'll see.

Change of "specialty" heart?

With just one rotation (Anesthesiology/OR) left, I'm about as thoroughly confused as to which field of medicine I'm going to end up in as I've ever been. I absolutely LOVED Peds Inpatient but found Peds outpatient just so-so clinically speaking. But the really great thing about Peds outpatient for me was that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE babies!! Not only that, seeing so many of them well (save for the shots for their well baby check-ups) was especially nice! Of course, the flip side is that well baby check-ups are kinda boring clinically speaking, so I'd have to balance it with some inpatient duties to keep it mentally stimulating. One thing I do know is that if I choose this field, I'd do a combined residency in IM/Peds just  because I like the idea of having ALL my medical bases covered and because the two Black female Attendings that led the teams I was on suggested it. Speaking of Attendings, one of them is on the adcom of one of the schools on my list so obviously meeting her was an added plus.

I also thought a LOT this week about how much my interest in ANY lab based research is pretty much nil and that may be a problem for the MD/PhD program at one of the schools on my list. Plus, I'm getting ideas all the time about Health Informatics flavored dissertation projects and that's great!! Not surprisingly, I have my clinical rotations to thank for that because I really didn't have much in the way of ideas about how to make something happen and now I do!

So if I had to pick a specialty today, I would pick......................................

ER MEDICINE, and here's why in NO particular order of importance, with a list that is FAR from exhaustive:

1)  I'd be on the "front lines" of providing care to people of color in emergent situations.

2) The absolute most chillest people I met were ED Docs.

3) I thrive in high pace/high stress environments combined with periods of calm.

4) It appears to be a speciality that's easier to balance with a research career/academic medicine.

5) NO call, when you're "off" you're "off".

6) The field doesn't appear to be "threatened" by mid level providers like some specialities such as Anesthesia or Family Medicine.

7) The opportunity to do some procedures.

8) I'm a "night owl" who also doesn't mind working weekends/holidays.

9) The chillest folks in medicine, closely followed by Pediatricians, my second residency choice at this point in the form of Peds/IM.


"Cool people" is listed twice because I've had a lifetime of working with people who are so NOT chill.  And at this point in my life, I'm looking for something MUCH different. So for example, my MICU rotation was fantastic from a clinical point of view, but the "intensity" of the environment and the people who work there, was a little too much for me. ED also seems to be handling the transition to EMRs MUCH more smoothly that any of the other specialities I observed and given that EHRs/EMRs are such a HUGE part of my life right now, it seems like it could be a great fit.

Now for the list of things I "worry" about being a Doc in the ED:

1) Making the wrong clinical decision with the limited info most ED docs have initially.

2) Body fluids that are green.........and smell..............REAL bad.

3) My biggest concern, drug addicts seeking their next "fix" at my expense. But I think I have just the personality to look a patient I think is addicted square in the eye, and say "Hellz Naw, here's some tylenol, now get ta' steppin'"!!!!


Once again, this is obviously VERY premature but it's kinda fun to think about it now! :)

On task, on point.

"So my interview went very well and I left recommitted to earning my MD/PhD. Not that I ever really gave up on the idea as crazy as it is for a middle age woman, but when you know your professional "calling" you just KNOW it no matter how crazy it sounds...............Of course, I let my interviewer/new mentor know that I had familial obligations that I didn't want to disrupt right now, though I would certainly consider it in 4 years when my kid finishes high school."

Doc201x's blog post on March 18, 2011.


So here I am, almost 3 years to the day after I wrote this post following a meeting with one of my east coast sista' PhD mentors about my plans to earn the MD/PhD back in 2011. And my first thought after rereading this post was the stupid and pathetic anonymous recent comment by a female long term reader which was IMO, an attempt to crush my dream. I guess I use the term long term reader VERY loosely in this case since I've been damn consistent and clear for years now about my  time frame for pursuing my professional and academic dreams. At any rate, it STILL pisses me off that people feel so comfortable discouraging other people which is why I tell my clients and anyone else with a professional/academic dream, to tell ANYONE who discourages them to kiss their a$$! TWICE! On BOTH cheeks!!!!

Movin' on, I've got about 4 clinic days this week and I'm really looking forward to it as usual!!! My rotations include Peds, IM outpatient, then 2 rotations at the county hospital next Friday and Saturday. The Peds rotation is the one I'm most curious about mainly to see how it's going to compare to the last Peds rotation I did back in the early 90's. Unless my appts with my kid counts, LOL!! And I'm certain that Saturday night at a county hospital is going to be real interesting clinically. That said, I've thought a LOT about the idea of "compassionate care" I observed at the county hospital and I still don't think I could deal this on a day to day basis knowing I could do more, but also knowing that the financial circumstances won't allow it. In fact, I think I'd rather for example, not be able to give a patient dialysis because the clinic I worked in lacked the equipment, than to have it and not be able to use it. Unfortunately, these are real life issues for Docs at public hospitals and may God continue to bless everyone who works at one.

Lastly, I finished my second Bioinformatics methods course with an "A", though I didn't have the 100% perfect average I had going into the final exam (I ended up with a 95% average). And because talking about my grades feels so "gunnerish" and silly, I think this is the last time I'm going to report on stuff like this.

Momisms104: Seniors and Surfboards

Doc201X: "So what song did your class pick for the Senior Class song?"

Daughter: "What song did your class pick?"

I wrinkle my brow because she didn't answer my question.

Doc201X: "MY class picked "On the Wings of Love". Then I start singing; "On the wings of LOOOOVVVVE......"

Daughter: "Really Mom, PLEASE stop.....Who sang that song?"

Doc201X: "Jeffery Osborne, then I start singing again....ON THE WINGS OF LOOOVVEEEE".

Loud laughter ensues.

Doc201X: "So what song did you guys pick?"

Daughter: "Well you know the song choices weren't all that great.".

Doc201X: "Really, what's that supposed to mean"?

Daughter: "It means that I hadn't heard of most of the songs, so I picked Drunk in Love by Beyonce".

Doc201X: "ARE YOU SERIOUS, that was REALLY one of the song choices?!?!?". What's WRONG with ya'll, ya'll couldn't come up with anything else to put on the list?!?!?!

Daughter: "No not really, all the other ones sounded too childish".

Doc201X: "Like what?"

Daughter: "Like that song from the movie Frozen". Or that song by Lorde. And all day long, kids were saying "Surfboard".

Joint laughter so hard and loud, I had to pull over.

Doc201X: "Honey, you do realize what Beyonce means by "surfboard" right?"

Daughter: "Yeah".

Doc201X: "So that's what ya'll were saying all day huh". Lord have mercy, your generation is a trip"!!!

So here's the song I'm trippin' about and I'm trippin' about it because I think it's a HIGHLY inappropriate song choice for some high school kids, from the title "Drunk in Love" to what Beyonce means when she talks about riding "surfboards".

Anyhoo, here are the song lyrics that caused my most recent Mother/Daughter Brouhaha which is a hellva LONG way from "On the Wings of Love":

 "Boy, I'm drinking, I'm singing on the mic til my voice hoarse...Then I fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard  Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood".

This is what a Senior class song is supposed to song like:



And this is a 2014 COMPLETELY ratchet Senior class song:

Can a sista' get some clarity?

So I found out today that the paperwork for my fellowship in Health/Biomedical Informatics is being formalized which means I should start sometime next month. I also realized that I need to stay in the department I'm in for now too (I wasn't really feeling leaving now anyway) and take my elective classes in the department I plan to get a PhD in. Right now, that's looking like a basic science 'ish department because I need the MD/PhD to be FULLY paid for and that's the only way they'll roll. But since I'll still get to concentrate in Bioinformatics, I'm not unhappy about how things are coming together. More than that, I don't think it's wise to get a PhD in ANY basic science field alone, so having a formal degree in Health Informatics too would be a nice "fall back" plan in case I needed one.

The really great news is that I only need a few more courses to sit for my orals/cums for the PhD based on what I've already completed. And in the nicest piece of irony EVER, 2 of the major courses in my TBD PhD program are in Pathobiology (with medical students). Yeah, I'm gonna pretty much slam dunk that, ROTFL!!!! But what I'm starting to question is the logistics of taking my cums/orals after only 1 year of classes knowing everyone else normally takes them after 2 years. I'm also trying not to let my prior experience with these things lead to me to make a less than logical decision course load wise, but then I'd also kinda hate to be taking cums/orals at the end of my first year of med school too. But perhaps the summer between MS1 and MS2 could work?

Oh well, I'm going to "slow my roll" so to speak, 'cause I ain't hardly got admitted yet, LOL!!! But in my mind, this summer is going to be my unofficial MD/PhD year 1. :)  So I'm planing for the intensity of my courses beginning this summer, to be VERY med school like since I'm going to be blasting away at the requirements in both my current department and my future PhD department too!!!

Change departments and Go!

So I'm happily moseying (is that a word?) along when I get an email from the program coordinator of the MD/PhD program I recently visited and it basically says: "Our program does NOT support a PhD in Health/Biomedical Informatics". So with that, the fact that the fellowhsip I'd been "offered" in Health/Bionformatics is now "up in the air" as of late last week, the news that I would need to change departments "stung" MUCH less.

And in the strangest irony of all, there IS a Biomedical Informatics division of my NEW department of choice (Translational Science) which just happens to be directed by the Prof of one of my courses this semester. Now, I'm almost ready to get my happy dance on because he's also looking for grad students starting this summer too. The fact that I can transfer almost ALL of my med school and some grad school coursework is just an added bonus!

Hmmmmmm, it's funny how things work out and FAR more funny how when things appear not to work out, they actually DO in the end! Still, I think I'm going to save my next "I gotta fellowship speech" for the day after I start it, ROTFL!!!! :)

So I'm gonna change clothes  departments and GO!!!!

Road Trip: MD/PhD pre-interview.

So I'm pretty certain that the title of this posts catches some of my readers by surprise (especially the cynical ones, I see you "miss negative anonymous"), but some plans really aren't worth speaking about until after the first step has been taken. And my pre-interview is the first step in my plan to be accepted MD/PhD for the class entering medical school in the Fall of 2015.

Now you're probably asking the question, what in the world is a pre-interview? It occurs when you make an appointment to speak to MD admissions personnel about being admitted to their program. But after talking to you, they refer you to a member of the admission committee for the MD/PhD program without you having to ask. This person was clear that my undergrad GPA would be a problem because they use computers to screen MD applicants, but that my graduate work combined with no computer screening for the MD/PhD program makes that my logical choice for a multitude of reasons. AMAZING!!

So I go meet with the MD/PhD adcom member and I got the traditional questions, what type of research have you done, what are you doing now, why the combined program, ect. ect. Then I got this question, " have you thought about where you're going to be when you're done?" Which I translated to mean "have you thought about how old you're going to be when you done, lol??" And because I was prepared for this question, not only was I NOT angry about it, I had the BEST answer EVER: "Yes, I have thought about where I'm going to be when I'm done, I'll be 6-8 years older with an MD/PhD!!"

And from that point the "interview" was conversational and quite frankly a LOT of fun. I talked about my daughter which is a significant change from before when I felt that talking about being a Mom could count against me, I talked about my current research and how I hope to be able to apply it to a PhD program, and how all that ties to my desire to work with and conduct research beneficial to underserved populations. Blessedly, I was told that I was a competitive applicant and to apply early to their program, but to make sure to apply to other programs too!

Needless to say, I was beyond excited because quite frankly, I didn't really expect a "traditional" student favoring, highly ranked program, to give me the time of day. But they're open, and I'm glad!

So the moral of the story here is that anytime you meet with someone who may have an influence in your career, it's an interview, point, blank, period!!! Second most important lesson is to not exclude ANY school because the school you least expected to support you actually does just that!!

Road Trip: Pre-MD/PhD interview

So I'm pretty certain that the title of this posts catches some of my readers by surprise (especially the cynical ones, I see you "miss negative anonymous"), but some plans really aren't worth speaking about until after the first step has been taken. And my pre-interview is the first step in my plan to be accepted MD/PhD for the class entering medical school in the Fall of 2015.

Now you're probably asking the question, what in the world is a pre-interview? It occurs when you make an appointment to speak to MD admissions personnel about being admitted to their program. But after talking to you, they refer you to a member of the admission committee for the MD/PhD program without you having to ask. This person was clear that my undergrad GPA would be a problem because they use computers to screen MD applicants, but that my graduate work combined with no computer screening for the MD/PhD program makes that my logical choice for a multitude of reasons. AMAZING!!

So I go meet with the MD/PhD adcom member and I got the traditional questions, what type of research have you done, what are you doing now, why the combined program, ect. ect. Then I got this question, " have you thought about where you're going to be when you're done?" Which I translated to mean "have you thought about how old you're going to be when you done, lol??" And because I was prepared for this question, not only was I NOT angry about it, I had the BEST answer EVER: "Yes, I have thought about where I'm going to be when I'm done, I'll be 6-8 years older with an MD/PhD!!"

And from that point the "interview" was conversational and quite frankly a LOT of fun. I talked about my daughter which is a significant change from before when I felt that talking about being a Mom could count against me, I talked about my current research and how I hope to be able to apply it to a PhD program, and how all that ties to my desire to work with and conduct research beneficial to underserved populations. Blessedly, I was told that I was a competitive applicant and to apply early to their program, but to make sure to apply to other programs too!

Needless to say, I was beyond excited because quite frankly, I didn't really expect a "traditional" student favoring, highly ranked program, to give me the time of day. But they're open, and I'm glad!

So the moral of the story here is that anytime you meet with someone who may have an influence in your career, it's an interview, point, blank, period!!! Second most important lesson is to not exclude ANY school because the school you least expected to support you actually does just that!!

April 2014, from comment to post,

"Great post! Any feedback from any female/mom EM physicians on their field? Would you mind sharing the perks you've heard about from other EM docs?...thanks so much and love your blog:)"


Hi Elle, thank you for your comment! The day I was in the ER, there was only one woman on staff and she didn't look old enough to have children. And unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to work with her. As for the perks, the biggest one the Docs I worked with talked about was compensation, and I mean 300K-400K/year which is a WHOLE LOTTA MONEY TO ME, LOL!!!! Honestly, they didn't mention ANY downsides which I was surprised by. But in surfing the net in the days after my rotation, I was able to learn that burnout was the #1 complaint by ER Docs.

But here's my take on burnout. A significant number of people going into ER are people whose first "real" job was as a Resident. So in my mind, what they think "burns a person out" is likely VERY different from what I and many other "supernontrads" have experienced in our lifetimes. Furthermore, many people of color have experiences as children that would make others shudder to even think about it. Now obviously I have NO IDEA about what physician burnout is for a physician. I just know that I've NEVER heard a Doc who became one after say age 35, "complain" about it. Especially if they were in the military previously. That said, I'm certain that seeing seriously injured children would bother me on a personal level, so I'd happily focus on adult ER to minimize types of those scenarios over the long run. Still, almost 1 week after my time in the busy ER of a major city I'm pretty excited about the field.

About the perks of working in the ER, according to the Docs I worked with they are in order of importance:

1) Pretty high compensation in the 300K-400K range.
2) Leaving the "office" when your shift is over.
3) "Exciting" medical moments.

From my perspective, I like the shift work aspect and also don't mind working nights, late nights, weekends and holidays. And part of the reason is that I've always done those things even though there's an obvious difference between doing something every now and then,  and doing it on a regular basis. I'm also a night owl and the one point where I worked 3rd shift regularly was a BLAST for me!! So it's a great personal fit from my "internal clock" perspective.

Finally, my ER rotation reminded me of an episode of "Real Life in the ER" based in Texas where a toddler aged Hispanic boy was brought lifeless to the ER following a drowning. After about an hour if working on him, the other Doctors were ready to pronounce him dead. But his Hispanic lead Attending ordered the team to work on him for another hour. Not only was he stabilized but he experienced no adverse long term effects following his treatment. In fact, he recovered completely.

I bring this up because I sometimes think that the care a person gets in the ER depends on who they are. For example, I'm completely certain that celebrities get treatment MUCH different than the rest of us in emergent situations. And I think the same thing could apply for people of color depending on the personal beliefs/stereotypes and cultural experiences of the Physician involved. I'm also reminded of the locally famous writer in Metro DC who arrived at the ER with diabetic keto acidosis but was mistakingly thought to be inebriated. He died and his family sued and won. So I'm aware that  mistakes in the ER don't just involve people of color.

At any rate, I'm thinking about getting recertified in phlebotomy so I can perhaps get a PRN gig in the ER. Maybe.... if I can fit it into to already slammed schedule.

Welcome!

Hello everyone, welcome to my new site!

ER rotation

Bring me another sammich!

That was the request from the Black woman who had been in the ER for I have no idea how long, and was requesting her THIRD chicken salad "sammich". She also made it known that she had insurance so that EVERYONE in the ER department heard her, LOL!!!

The most nerve racking patient was the man brought in for seizures but that went into cardiac arrest 3 times after arriving at the ER. Two things struck me as very unusual. One was that there was only one other person in the immediately area that appeared to be my age or older, and the other was that there was a significant amount of non related "chit-chat" going on during the procedure. And when I say non related, I mean one of the 5 EMTs in the area telling jokes (thankfully not about the morbidly obese patient they were working on). Perhaps I expected to see more seriousness like I see on the real ER TV shows, I'm not sure what I expected to see, but I didn't expect to see Comedy night while a patients life was being saved. Then again, maybe that's how those folks deal with the stress of what they do everyday, because while this patient had a good outcome (so far), others do not. And people do say that laughter is the best medicine........

Unfortunately, I was once again reminded of how much obesity is a HUGE problem in the Black community as only ONE of the 7 Black patients I saw last evening had what looked like a normal BMI. And the woman ordering her third sammich was not the patient with the normal appearing BMI.

The highlight of my rotation in the ER was the White female patient who was 2 weeks post liver transplant, and in the ER with a chief complaint of nausea and vomiting. She was a real hoot, telling jokes about what she ate earlier in the day (and the liquid like effects, LOL) and also cracking jokes on her two kids who were with her in the ER. VERY nice family indeed.

I came away from the ER with a VERY different perspective of where I can make a difference as a Doc. To be able to help patients medically and not have to worry about whether or not they can afford a procedure due to having or not having insurance sounds great. Because the one major complaint I have from my experience in IM at the county hospital, was the thought of occasionally only being able to provide "compassion care" as opposed to the level of care that's needed. And that could be a problem for me mentally over the long run. I also didn't have the "back issues" from standing in one spot for an extended period of time in the ER as I did on both my MICU and IM rotations. Yes, I understand that standing in one spot could depend on what medical procedure you're doing, but the (VERY fine Korean) Doc I shadowed only sat still when he was typing his notes into the computer (which he found VERY annoying, LOL). Otherwise, he was up and down for the entire shift and that could work well for me. This experience also reminded me of an ER trip I had as an undergrad premed almost 30 years ago when my ER doc suggested that ER medicine was the best field for many reasons including shift work/leaving "the office" behind when you leave and the compensation being pretty good. He was also an adrenaline junkie which I'm not, though running around does work for the ADD in me, LOL!!! What I like most is that the schedule could easily allow me to have an active research portfolio besides the other perks mentioned by every ER Doc I've ever talked to.

Finally, the one "negative" question I did have was about the "half-life" of ER Docs. And the chief Doc on staff told me that it's about 10 years. But those numbers are based on folks going into ER in their early 30's, I wonder what they are for folks in my age range? I'd imagine that the health of the person involved plays a significant role as does their personality. And honestly, I'm not real worried about that or else I wouldn't even consider it. Plus, I need to be healthy regardless to which speciality I pursue.

Are you a Doctor?

"At first I thought you might be a nurse. But your questions and comments in class lead me to believe that you're more than that".

I was leaving my clinical healthcare course when one of my classmates ran me down to talk to me after class. He's quite an attractive young man of Middle Eastern decent who had previously applied to medical school and been rejected numerous times. He said he also had trouble getting above a 25 on the MCAT. So he's made the (VERY SMART) decision to NOT earn a PhD in any Science field like Chemistry or Pharmacology, and decided on an MS in Health Informatics instead.

You know, it always perplexes me how I end up in these conversations with people I barely know, but they always end the same, with me encouraging whomever I'm talking to, to not give up on becoming a Doctor if that's truly their dream. I'll admit that my own personal story probably plays a big role in why I feel the need ot encourage others, but I still find it kinda interesting.

The Physician/Lecturer for class that day was an ER Doc and his lecture was amazing (of course, I think that about ALL of the lectures in this class, LOL!!). And during his presentation, there was a slide by an artist named Jose Perez, which I used as the image for this post. The picture speaks a thousand words about the status of health care today as it relates to ER care.

Along these same lines, I have my ER rotation tomorrow evening and in a major city, this promises to be VERY interesting from a medical point of view.

Finally, I ended up not canceling my meeting with the PI in my old department although we did meet by Skype instead of in person. She was very nice and we've set up another formal meeting for a day next week. I figured that at some point, I've got to get used to "sucking things up" and getting on to handling the business at hand. And this seemed like as good a time to start as any.

Talk to me.

*Image from the Calbuzz website about the group Talking Heads

So my Mom and I finally had a verbal showdown conversation earlier today, and it's an understatement to say it wasn't pleasant. Or pretty. She finally "came clean" about her Dx and says it's "not that bad". And that she's been "dealing with it" for over a year. So my best guess is that this is not only a recurrence from last year, but a different Dx from the one years ago. Lovely. I was accused of not "minding my own damn business (yep) and of over reacting (nope). And my reaction may have something to do with the fact that not only have I been a cancer researcher for most of my adult life, I have a family history on my Dad's side including my Dad who died with TWO active types of cancer. So I called her out on her selfish behavior, got cussed out, then called her out about it again. Mothers..... BLACK mothers in particular. SO DAMN STUBBORN, and in the Black comunity, silence KILLS!!! URGH!!!! Anyhoo, this is the last I'm going to blog about it because I'd probably get cursed out again for going public about it if she knew.

Movin' on, I decided to cancel my meeting tomorrow with the PI in my old department about a joint research project. The wounds are still too fresh for me and quite frankly, I can see a TON of problems if I do. I will however, meet with my Dr.B's wife because she and I already have a great relationship and the type of cancer she studies, is really where my interest lie. The problem is that that type of cancer she studies just isn't "sexy" anymore (translated not as well funded as it used to be) and a TON of money has been invested in that other cancer I studied in my old department. I'm not going to specify which one thanks to my "haters", at least not until I find myself happily esconced in medical school. Then I'll come completely "clean".

Below is a song by my all time favorite rock group/female singer, Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks and I think it fits this post to a tee:

Go get it!!!

Over the years, I've been a fairly big critic of Beyonce and all the "vagina thrusting" she does in her music videos. But her latest album Beyonce', gets multiple "listens" EVERY single day.

Especially this song with its African influences both in beats and dance, and how it relates so much to how I'm feeling these days:



So despite all the challenging news I've gotten so far this week, there are also some definitive things to celebrate. Like my still 100% perfect average in the second part of my Bioinformatics course, including the midterm that was due on Monday, but that I didn't know I had until the day before, LOL!!! Needless to say, I was up until midnight Sunday night, but what I'm learning and doing so beyond cool I didn't even mind! There's also my scheduled rotations at the county hospital at the end of the month with Dr. B, my newest mentor and the Doc I shadowed for my first IM rotation. Speaking of Dr. B, I learned that I have the second highest average in his class!! There's also Dr.E who works in health informatics at the same hospital where I'm to do my rotations and who also has an inside scoop on a couple Health Informatics gigs there at said county hospital.

The thing is that it may be best for me to just increase my client load until my fellowship starts, which will hopefully be next month. I can also get to work on that list of schools I've attended (now 14 strong) to get my app ready for AMCAS submission. Then there's the MCAT, I need to put together a new study schedule for a test date I still haven't definitively decided on yet, but that I clearly need to think about REAL soon. Yeah, I think I can find some things to do to occupy my time, ROTFL!!!!

I'm going to end this post with one of my favorite songs by the group Mary, Mary which also gets at least one play/ ere' day, as the ol' folks say.  I especially like this lyric from the song:

"Can't be mad at the things you been through cuz they built yo muscle, Now you're stronger than you've ever been they can't stop yo hustle"

I recently learned that there's GREAT power in putting your goals and dreams on paper, something I'd NEVER done before. Because when it comes to a dream like medical school, it certainly isn't going to just fall in your lap, you have "put" that goal out there in the universe, then actively go after it!