In my feelings.........

I have to admit that this year for the first time, I'm REALLY "in my feelings" as I observe friends, relatives, and virtual friends embark or reembark on their paths to medical school and other professional schools. One recent slap in the face reality check I received was from Dr. X, a student I'd mentored since her days as a community college student, through to undergrad, then grad school at a top 3 institution, through 2 post docs, and now finally as a newly minted faculty member at a major institution. And some days (like today) it's just real easy to feel like I'm just walking in place, getting in my own way so to speak, because I feel no closer to achieving my med school dream than I was 10 years ago. Add to that how severely disappointing most of the science flavored gigs outside of teaching have been for me for the last 3-5 years, and now I'm kinda feeling like I've wasted a LOT of time. :(

Then I look up from my computer and see my kid's happy, smart, well adjusted to the rigors of a STEM major face, and I'm reminded that I had to focus on priorities were right for me, and for me getting her to the point she's at right now, was my main priority. Throw in a couple family and personal illnesses and surgeries, and most days I know for a fact that I did the absolute best with the circumstances I was given. But moving forward, I do wonder what will happen in the future? People are ALWAYS getting sick especially in the Black community. But I've told EVERYONE that it's time now for me to focus on med school and while I'll do the best I can to help my loved ones as needed, my career is now my top priority. As an example, one of the very tough decisions I had to make many years ago after my father had a stroke was whether or not to put him in a nursing home or go to med school. I took one look at my nonexistent support system and realized that going to med school was completely out of the question with a baby and husband on board too. And as disappointed as I was about delaying med school, the time I spent with my Dad was priceless and turned out to be his last since he died just 2 years later from cancer.

Fast forward to today and I'm straight up not willing to make another sacrifice on that level until after I'm done with my medical training because at some point, I just need to be selfish! And today is that day, Med School class of 2017 baby!!!!