Saturday, January 11, 2014

God is trying to tell you something, but are you listening?

So by Tuesday of this past week, I had a headache. I mean a REAL big headache. But I didn't for one minute wish anything was different in my life! Not. One. Thing! Yeah!

On Monday, I did orientation and I have to say that of all the orientations I've EVER been to, this one was the absolute best. And kinda depressing. Organization wise, it was amazing and VERY interesting. And although the facilitator played favorites with giving out prizes (which essentially meant I didn't win one, LOL), it was still done in a very interesting way. The depressing part was in hearing testimonials of people who had their cancers treated at this institution and strangely enough, I didn't cry one time. Not a lumpy throat or even a sniffle. I think I realize now more than ever that it's just time for me to get down to business of getting the show on the road as far as my MD/PhD goals are concerned and I'll find time to cry over lost loved ones to cancer at some other time. Still it’s surreal to be surrounded by so many people who you KNOW are dealing with a deadly illness. And the knowledge that some of them are terminal actually gives my being there more purpose and focus.
Moving on, I ended up registering for a course in Clinical Healthcare after meeting with an advisor in my department. And my request was REAL simple. Which profs have a record of getting their students in/out of their PhD programs and are also good to work with. At this point, I don’t care as much about the specifics of the research I’ll be doing because I figure I’ll be a Clinical Professor before I get to research what I’m really interested in anyway. It turns out that my prof is the husband of a woman in the department I work in, so I probably don’t need to say where this is going.

On Wednesday, I learned that my position would initially be VERY basic as the department is deciding which direction they’re going to go. And in that moment when I received the news which was different from what I had been told in my interview, I was crushed. And I mean CRUSHED!! All I could think about was how hard earned my skill level had become when it comes to the methods used to discover and evaluate oncology biomarkers and how very little of it would be used after talking with my supervisor that day. Unfortunately, I’ve never been a person that could hide hurt/disappointed very well and I’m certain she sensed it. In my mind, I was not only compromising my salary requirements BIG TIME, now I was compromising myself professionally. But something, my God spirit, kept telling me over and over in my head that this was a part of His plan for me, I simply didn’t get it yet. The next morning when I was on my way to work, a song from the movie the Color Purple (God is trying to tell you something) kept playing in my head in a continuous loop and that’s when I knew for sure that I would get some clarity on this career thing soon.

Later Thursday morning, when I ended up in a class I hadn’t originally planned to take which just happened to be taught by the husband of a woman in my work department, I knew for sure why I had been blessed to be in this job. I have to do a presentation in this course so I’ll obviously tie it to the research I’m doing in the lab. And the ultimate goal here will be to turn this all into a dissertation later. PERFECT!!!!

I’ll end this post with a message to my readers to understand that we won’t always understand why certain things are happening in our lives but that EVERYTHING that happens has a purpose behind it. It may not be what you want at the time, but if you’re patient the real purpose will be revealed to you if you maintain a positive attitude and keep the faith!

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